Sufferer Hello, CPTSD from childhood emotional neglect and childhood bullying

[JamesGS1]

Hello everyone, its been a bit of a long journey from going from thinking my childhood was fairly good (except for the three years of middle school which was kind of an empty memory) to fully accepting the extensive bullying and social ostracization that I experienced in sixth and seventh grades. I worked heavily on that part of my life but still was frustrated that I couldn't really crack what I felt was holding me back from my midlife transition (I'm in my late 30s). About a month or so ago I started reading a book on NARM and early developmental trauma and it was like having my eyes opened to new aspects of myself. It finally culminated last night when I realize that in many ways I was reenacting the trauma that I had experienced in middle school (the sense of being stuck in the environment and unable to do anything about it) by this growing opressive resistance that was steadily preventing me from taking any actions on any of my goals (new career, learn a language, loose weight (which I had done before), work out, and even working at a part-time gig to pay down debt quickly(which again I had done before)). This oppressive resistance was creating an increasingly small world and I feel helpless to do anything. And that's kinda what spurred me to finally start talking about this, to start bringing it out of the shadows so to speak.

James (not my real name).

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello, thank you for sharing your journey with us. It's incredibly brave and important to acknowledge and work through past traumas that may be impacting your current life. It seems like you have been doing a lot of introspection and self-reflection, which is a significant step towards healing.

Realizing the ways in which past traumas can manifest in our present behavior and emotions can be eye-opening but also overwhelming. It's great that you've started exploring NARM and early developmental trauma to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Feeling stuck and experiencing resistance in moving forward with your goals can be very frustrating. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and support as you navigate these challenges. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly beneficial.

Myptsd.com provides a supportive peer-to-peer community where individuals with PTSD and CPTSD can share their experiences, insights, and struggles. There are specific forums that may be helpful for you, such as those focused on trauma therapy, coping strategies, and personal growth.

If you find that you need additional support, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional who specializes in trauma. You deserve to heal and live a fulfilling life beyond the weight of past experiences. Keep taking steps towards self-care and be gentle with yourself during this process. You are not alone on this journey.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum, James!

 

[OutsideHumanity]

welcome! i can relate to bullying and all, so you're definitely not alone in your experiences.

 

[ChildlessCatLady]

Hello everyone, its been a bit of a long journey from going from thinking my childhood was fairly good (except for the three years of middle school which was kind of an empty memory) to fully accepting the extensive bullying and social ostracization that I experienced in sixth and seventh grades. I worked heavily on that part of my life but still was frustrated that I couldn't really crack what I felt was holding me back from my midlife transition (I'm in my late 30s). About a month or so ago I started reading a book on NARM and early developmental trauma and it was like having my eyes opened to new aspects of myself. It finally culminated last night when I realize that in many ways I was reenacting the trauma that I had experienced in middle school (the sense of being stuck in the environment and unable to do anything about it) by this growing opressive resistance that was steadily preventing me from taking any actions on any of my goals (new career, learn a language, loose weight (which I had done before), work out, and even working at a part-time gig to pay down debt quickly(which again I had done before)). This oppressive resistance was creating an increasingly small world and I feel helpless to do anything. And that's kinda what spurred me to finally start talking about this, to start bringing it out of the shadows so to speak.

James (not my real name).

Hi James, it's great to hear that you realized how you've been subconsciously reenacting the trauma you've experienced. I often hear this from people who have trauma and have realized that about myself as well. Thanks for mentioning NARM, I have not heard about that treatment approach. It's interesting to hear about what's out there. Trauma can certainly make you become stuck in patterns that keep you from actually living your life (to the fullest). All the best to you and your journey!