PTSD & Intimacy

[Auroch]

After consulting my doctor, I went off my anti-depression meds for just this reason. Both my wife and I would prefer me to be a little moody than completely uninterested in intimacy. It was very noticeable on the meds (She didn't know me pre and post PTSD, but she new me pre meds). Better now that I am off. Still have bad days where it is the last thing on my mind, but doesn't everyone?

Don't let him go off the meds without talking to a doctor. For me, and others I have talked to, when you go off of a depression med, the mood swings / depression becomes very severe, especially if you aren't ready for it.

 

[Deleted member 1606]

I'm a former sex educator, and I've gotten questions of intimacy many times before. You can't really know unless you ask him. True, most men want sex more often than that, but there are exceptions. He may in that camp or it may be PTSD related.

Are you comfortable speaking to him about this?

 

[Cindy]

This is hard to discuss for me but I feel it important to say not only for my own benefit but for the reponses that may come of it.

As a child I was sexually abused for several years by two teenagers and as an adult my husband also abused me.

I would love to have safe intimacy and sex BUT I don't know what that is.

I recently had a very close friendship and sexual relationship with a younger person. He recently has relocated his job and I haven't heard from him other than when I e-mail him. The responses are brief and general (I think a nice brush off).

Anyway, my experiences with him opened my eyes to the impact of the PTSD and my ability to stay engaged and focused on the act of sex. It also illustrated the many insecurities and self doubts I harbor about myself in both a mental and physical relationship. I can't say there were many times I was 100% focused if at all. Sometimes I even felt totally disassociated as in the past.

Yes, I am on meds, but I wanted the sex and the intimacy. I don't think the meds were the factor. I think it was the mental cues and fears that affected the end results.

 

[Deleted member 1606]

Hi, Cindy. Thanks for writing back.

I'm happy (in a way) to say that some of your feelings are familiar to me. While I was rebuilding myself, I had to be alone, and now when I'm about done, the crazy economy is denying me a job!

I used to be a sex educator and have spoken to many people about sex, love, dating and intimacy. Most of the questions I got were some varation of "Am I weird?"

Is it possible that dealing with your bfriend may be generating secondary PTSD?

I'm not quite sure what intimacy is, but I know it must not be one sided and it involves trusting and not violating that trust. Problem for us is, the closer we get to someone, the more we may fear being hurt. Not only that, but PTSD sufferers have an unfortunate history of lashing out at the people closest to them when they feel threatened.

I also have been craving intimacy, and with no money, I'm not even trying. I want sex too, but the last stage of my healing requires being touched, held and having someone say nice things about me. (I mean if they're true.)

But, of course, being intimate with a PTSD sufferer can be difficult. I had a girlfriend who would often stop in the middle of sex, roll over an refuse to talk to me. I told her that stopping the sex was no fun, but refusing to talk was far and away the worst thing. It didn't help. She kept doing it. She was sexually abused as a child by her father.

As you get close to someone, you may wish to check in with yourself to see if intimacy is paradoxically making you pull away in some fashion.

I'm taking effexsor and Wellbutrin. May I ask which you are taking?

It helps me to talk to someone and I hope you will feel that way too. Was this helpful to you, too?

Last time I was in upstate New York was 1992. I loved it. I hope it's good for you too.