Ptsd Is Destroying My Family

[Dirk]

Hi everyone, i'm new to these forums but i thought id give it a shot.
My wife has PTSD from a childhood trauma. I knew about this before we got married, however i never knew how draining it would be to deal with. From day one we have been dealing with it together, but now, 2 years after we have been married things are coming to a head.

I love my wife, but 2 years of dealing with this has left me drained and walled off from the rest of the people in our lives. To make matters worse I work in a profession where i see and have to deal with awefull situations that most people in the general public would not be able to handle. PTSD for my profession is rampant, yet never spoken about. I have recently begun to experience many of the symptoms involved with ptsd which has just caused more of a rift between us. (I am currently looking into getting help for myself, my wife refuses to go). It has become harder and harder for me to be there for my wife because i find it is harder and harder for me just to keep myself together.

I feel like im ranting here, and maybe i am. I guess i just wanted to see if there were other people out there who were in relationships where both members experienced PTSD to varying degrees. what are some ways that we can deal with our problems and be there for each other.

 

[timetorecover]

Hey and welcome,

Wow a cocktail, sounds a mess!

Therapy is needed here guys, you need her to get some help!! and you! Would she consider this site, or another similar?? What is your job?

 

[ProudWife99]

My husband and I both suffer from PTSD. It is possible to continue to support one another, but it is exhausting and takes work every day. I agree with timetorecover, therapy is definately necessary. I wish I could say love was enough, but it isn't. Skin like a rhino and boundaries are not just helpful, but necessary.

 

[Tinyflame]

Welcome Dirk.

I am sorry you are going through what you are. :( I do not know if there are also children involved.

I have ptsd and live with a relative with an unconfirmed (undiagnosed) likelihood of it.
I can only say, you're doing better than you think, to be looking at therapy for yourself (despite the 'code of silence' within your profession), and also you are on this forum. It is 'good' and 'ok' to feel and say that things are not ok!

I would recommend doing whatever you can to help yourself, including trying to sleep, eat, exercise, and take time outs- time away on your own if possible and necessary, even if it's just a walk in a park or a few hours to decompress and have stress-free and worry-free time to yourself. Because it sounds like you have plenty of stress at both home and work. The stronger and healthier you are, that itself will help influence the dynamic between the two of you. Also, it needs to be so.

Your wife may in time reach out for therapy etc if she knows you are going, though she would likely hate the idea that you are at first. But it would model not having fear about it, and if she sees you are happier for it (and not reacting 'to' her bahaviours), she may become more inclined to go herself.

I guess, in other words, concentrate on altering what you can- yourself, and your thoughts/ health, etc.

Best wishes to you both.

 

[timetorecover]

Thank you.
Being a supporter is probably just as bad as going through it.

 

[mamachick]

Welcome, and I am sorry for your experiemce.
As a sufferer, I do not envy your position. As a sufferer, I am just guessing, but she does not want you to become damaged in this. She chose you out to be her husband. It is likely that there is something within yourself that she unconsciously thinks will help her. If you do not take care of yourself-that is impossible.
Please read the difference between support and enabling-it can be a fine line.

I agree with Junebug. We always talk about the need for self care-however, we need time with sane people as well-both sufferers and supporters need that time with others that is healthy and feels good, has common interests, etc. Take care of yourself. If I met me now, I would run. Yet when I was married, if I were my husband and married to me, I would have been a lucky man. Things can change. Patterns are established. Dont let your relationship become all work.

 

[Dirk]

Thanks for the input everybody. I will take your advice and keep active in these forums. It is a relief to hear from people who understand how draining this can be....

 

[Eleanor]

Hang in there Dirk. Come on over to the supporter's section. Or start a diary to "vent" into. It is really helpful on those occasions when it is all just too much.

Since you are in a profession where PTSD is rampant, you might want to read some stuff about processing trauma, Anything (even some videos on youtube I think) by Peter Levine is a good place to start.

I get the exhaustion, I really really really do.