Ptsd Relapse And What's Not Ok

[Riss]

I have been dating my boyfriend for three months, before that we were friends for 2 years so I thought he understood me pretty well.

A few weeks ago I told him about my childhood and how I suffer from PTSD. My father was extremely physically and emotionally abusive my entire adolescence and I have a lot of issues because of it. I thought my boyfriend should know, I thought in knowing that he would be more sensitive to me. But then today during an argument he slapped me in the leg hard enough to leave a welt that stayed for 2 hours. He kept defending why he did and how I was antagonizing him and I pushed him to do it.

After a bit he realized or at least he said he did, that hitting me in any way was wrong. I kept telling him I dont know if I can trust him anymore and so forth. After HOURS of talking, of him apologizing he told me "You shouldn't have PTSD, its something you can't control and my anger is something I can't control". Needless to say that set me off, he then told me to stop being so sensitive about it, that he didnt make the ptsd comment to hurt me or mock it, he was just proving a point.

Aside from today, he's always been amazing, my best friend and so gentle. And yes, I play the license plate punching game and I am aggressive a lot and I could see how my aggression can get people to a point where they want to lash out...but still. is everything he did today excusable?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Riss,

In my personal opinion, no one has the right to strike, slap, push or do anything that can physically harm another person. To me, there are no excuses that justify that type of behavior.

When emotions get that heated, there should be enough self-control to walk away. If you continue this relationship, boundaries and rules should be clearly established as fear is not a good thing when you are building a relationship on trust, kindness and love.

You have every right to be concerned. But at the same time you also need to control your own aggression to keep situations from escalating, as you too should not be physical with another person.

Just my .02.

Debbie

 

[Bubba]

Riss - ABSOLUTELY NOT! Playful aggression and emotional aggression are two separate things. One is done out of joking around and kidding with no means to hurt the other person. And one is brought out thru anger and a means to hurt someone (whether they are sorry about it later or not). I would have severe concerns and for me this is breaking point in a relationship.

I know you love him - but take a good look at previous actions and see if there isn't some kind of pattern...ex: does he ever explode at other people over minor things, etc... This may have been the one time where he crossed the line, but has he ever potentially come close before?

Just be careful - take care of yourself - don't let anyone get you stuck in a situation where it might get harder to escape.

You have friends here to vent to - please use this place as a safe place to vent and work out your feelings.

 

[Srain]

But then today during an argument he slapped me in the leg hard enough to leave a welt that stayed for 2 hours. He kept defending why he did and how I was antagonizing him and I pushed him to do it.

There is no defending this type of behaviour, he hurt you during an argument and that is NEVER okay. To then say you pushed him to it is the type of statement made by the abusive thinker, at the same time trying to convince a person they are responsible for inflicting pain and not the recipient is a HUGE red flag.

There is a difference between playing and fighting - the reaction says everything about both, in my opinion. My husband and I play around a lot and I can think of a time I got my foot with the pins wedge under me, truly hurting me. He was so upset at himself and concerned, of course, it was nobody's fault because it was an accident but he felt because he was bigger and stronger he should have been paying attention. He constantly watches that this doesn't happen again.

As far as touching in anger it something I brought up when we first met due to my history and I was leaving nothing to chance, I needed to know his position on it. I don't put up with it, I will not tolerate it, and someone will go to jail.

I did not always feel this way, I didn't always know this was true for me or I could believe this for me. I hope you find that you can expect a person to always respect your physical boundaries and that love doesn't mean hitting, ever.

 

[wife of]

His anger is something he can and should control. If he is struggling with this then he needs to seek some help rather than denying his responsibility. If he is unwilling to accept the responsibility for that then yes I think you are right to mistrust him.

 

[NarcSis]

My therapist once told me that our behavior patterns are set within the first 6 months of a relationship, this behavior causes me extreme concern for you.

No one ever deserves to be hit, punched, slapped, kicked or any other manner of being struck by someone they care about. The issue here is not your PTSD.

You deserve to be treated with respect, afforded your opinions respectfully, cared for and loved. You deserve the safety and shelter of a relationship filled with trust and equanimity.

 

[Srain]

Riss, I would like to amend my previous post by saying that I was obviously triggered. I wish I could have worded it as eloquently as others did here but I did not.

If I, in anyway, made you feel like you are not able to discuss this subject here, then I apologize. My opinions and reactions are my own and you are not responsible for them.

Please take care of yourself,
Rain