Ptsd?!

[jen2016x]

10 years ago. I was 15 and I was raped. Only my ex and current boyfriend are aware of this. I could never find the words to tell anyone out of fear of no one believing me. I fell into a deep depression and nobody understood what was wrong. It is now 10 years on and I'm starting to have awful awful nightmares about it EVERY NIGHT. It's like I'm reliving the whole experience again. My boyfriend says I sometimes hit him during these nightmares and scream at him. I have also started having angry outbursts and feel very irritated at the tiniest of things. I feel like a completely different person. Even just hearing anyone with the same name as the person who done it is enough to send me into a panic attack. Smells, anyone just saying the word 'rape' sends me into a state. I avoid certain places, certain programs, everything. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Why is this suddenly affecting me SO badly 10 years later? I keep having panic attacks too. Signs are pointing to PTSD. Could this possibly be what I'm experiencing even this many years later?

 

[Hukeh]

No one here can diagnose over the interwebs, and it would be unwise to try -- only a trained mental health professional can do that.

That being said, it is possible and probably fairly likely you have PTSD.

The time for symptoms to appear or to continue to appear is often delayed for years.

There is help and hope out there. Things can get better. What's holding you back from talking to a therapist about these experiences?

 

[Epam]

The fear of not being believed is a common reason people don't go to therapy. I have a huge fear of that. I did tell people what happened and the police did not believed me until they caught the guy in the act and he later confessed.

But every therapist I have told has not only believed me, but supported me and not been at all phases or shaken by what I shared.

Check out RAINN dot org if you are in the US. They have a great hotline and online chat that helped me start to confront my fear of not being believed and they can refer to good trauma therapists in the US.

 

[jen2016x]

No one here can diagnose over the interwebs, and it would be unwise to try -- only a trained mental health professional...

Of course, I totally understand that I can't be diagnosed over the internet. That's not why I posted. I wanted to hear from other people with PTSD who may be able to advise if it sounded like it may be that.

Thankyou so much for responding. I can't begin to put into words how traumatic the experience was. The thought of opening up about it to a therapist terrifies me. The fear of not being believed is what stops me. It's been 10 years now, I was too scared to report it at the time and I've seen countless therapists but never been able to open up about it. I think i have to open up now though cause it is really impacting me.

 

[jen2016x]

The fear of not being believed is a common reason people don't go to therapy. I have a huge fear of that. I did tell peop...

This is exactly what is terrifying me. The thought of someone doubting me and questioning why I didn't report it all those years ago. The thought of it makes me feel sick.

Thankyou so much for responding to me. I'm actually in the UK. I've been researching to find out people I can talk to. It's just finding the strength to take that leap and open up to a professional.