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I couldn't agree with you more.I think there are too many nuances to generalize, I would think it would be person, history- one's own a...
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I couldn't agree with you more.I think there are too many nuances to generalize, I would think it would be person, history- one's own a...
This one, I can personally agree with. I'd be curious to know if other sufferers tend to agree about the over-load effect, and the need to clear some space in order to manage/sort out our own reactions to things.First, before it gets to a break up or time out, give the person some space. If we don't want to talk or need time to process please back off - it is like information or sensory over load.
As others have said, I don't think this is universal at all. I think it may speak to your own attachment issues/underdeveloped sense of self - you appreciate the reassurance coming from the other person, in small bits, not so much that you're being pressured, but just enough so that you are also not being left alone.Second if we do walk out, the best thing you can do is what I call give us little nuggets, these are encouraging words and let us know you are waiting for them to come home and believe in then. This establishes trust, and puts the onus on the person with PTSD. Lashing out, reacting, going radio silent just makes us feel validated in leaving.
For me, this would intensify my guilt. I don't need to be reminded the door is open, I can be responsible for remembering that. But, again - very different strokes for different folks, here.Now just saying the door is open when you are ready to me isn't very effective. Why? For a person who isolates and disassociates, out of sight is out of mind. Usually a little text saying something like "the pot of coffee is on when you are ready - once a day" keeps me grounded. Or any reaffirming statement. Remember the person with PTSD isn't doing this to hurt you.
Yeah...I'm not sure that's how it actually works. I understand the concept. But I understand the concept as it applies in a therapy environment. When the therapist can sit there and listen and accept every ugliness, every freak-out, every extended bout of avoidance...that's how we can learn that our actions exist, on their own. We have to decide what kind of people we want to be, and then work very hard at getting there. We need to forgive ourselves when we are having a tough time of it. We need to communicate about all of it.When sufferers run, and their partners are firmly planted and don't waiver we learn from them what a normal relationship is like, we learn trust.
First, before it gets to a break up or time out, give the person some space. If we don't want to talk or need time to process please back off - it is like information or sensory over load.
Second if we do walk out, the best thing you can do is what I call give us little nuggets, these are encouraging words and let us know you are waiting for them to come home and believe in then. This establishes trust, and puts the onus on the person with PTSD. Lashing out, reacting, going radio silent just makes us feel validated in leaving.