Rain Delay

[Chitoshi]

I'm not sure where else to put this. I guess I'm just trying to reach out. I just feel so, so sad right now. I'm okay for the most part. I'm relatively healthy, my arm doesn't hurt nearly as much as it has in the past. I'm on spring break for graduate school. I'm not overly concerned about the state of the apartment anymore (relatively clean, just need help lifting heavy baskets and I don't really have a concern about that). My taxes are done, and I don't have anything hanging over me from this past term that needs doing.

Today I just ended up sad. I woke up this morning, talked to my therapist about my anxiety about this person I was talking to that I felt attacked by (it was really a small internet reply that I felt negated my feelings on a subject, not a huge deal in context of my life), went to a craft store and talked myself out of buying anything, then went back to my apartment. It's kinda cold out, and it's cloudy, gray, and raining. I'm also lonely. My boyfriend is at work, and it actually makes me feel pretty crappy to feel like this because I feel like I shouldn't miss him when he's at work right now. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I just can't help myself. I've never liked rainy days, but My arm is aching and I can't seem to bring myself to want to do anything because it all feels like a waste of time. I'm just not sure what to do or who to talk to right now, and I feel like I can't talk to anyone. I'm really berating myself with negative thoughts, too, and I'm trying to counter them but I'm sometimes too loud for my own good.

I've tried to play music, but I feel like it's empty. Tried to watch Netflix and for some reason I was just gravitating towards the sad videos/movies, or I'm seeing it in that light. I thought about trying to paint (I bought a watercolor paint set), but drawing seems like too much work right now and all I did was sigh. So now I'm here typing this to you all.

I feel a bit silly, because it seems like this always happens on rainy days and I tend to feel powerless to shake it off. I tried to contact some friends, but they're all busy. I would go over to my boyfriend's mom's house (the closest relative I have in the area), but I don't want to be a weepy burden because I've gone over there before and I think maybe I shouldn't. I would contact my mom but she's in another state with my grandma who is ill and just sent me a text this morning about my grandma was driving her nuts so she'd just end up complaining, and I've never really felt comfortable sharing feelings with her anyways.

I don't know what I'm trying to do here. I just don't want to be alone, and I feel silly for being so lonely and so sad right now. I do better when it isn't raining. Sunny, partly sunny, mostly cloudy, all of those kinds of weather patterns are generally okay with me, but today is just a sad day. I just don't want to be alone, so I'm reaching out.

 

[Binkie]

You're not alone.

 

[Chitoshi]

You're not alone.

Thank you

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I'm diggin' your choice of title and can certainly relate. Rain and/or cold tends to delay my momentum, mobility, mood, and more. Blah humbug. It's like I feel water-logged in my thinking and actions and get cold to the bone, and that hurts like hell. Snow makes me feel like I'm suffocating, too, almost. Weirdness.

It's a crappy weather day here, too, in that it's cool and rainy, off and on. I ended up reading some from actual books instead of the screen for a change, played my Native American flute until I got on my own nerves, napped for a little while, started making some magnets, but the thrill is gone, tried to watch tv but those damn commercials drive me bonkers, then tossed together some spaghetti sauce for dinner so I won't have to fool with it later. Tomorrow is supposed to be non-stop rain all day and night. Blech.

 

[Chitoshi]

I'm diggin' your choice of title and can certainly relate. Rain and/or cold tends to delay m...

I'm glad you like the title. I thought it was apt for me. Happens all the time. I end up napping and just sighing at everything. I dislike commercials so I totally get you there. Same here in my area, nonstop rain all day tomorrow, supposedly. I sure hope not. I was going to do something with a friend but she rescheduled so there goes my rainy day plans. I'll probably figure something out. I'm thinking I might end up doing something outside anyways because I think that's what gets me down, the not being able to even have the option of doing something outside.

Snow does it to me, too!