Raising Children - Venting

[Jimmy1]

Here we go again......

I have said it before and I will say it again, 'raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree'.

There are a lot of guys and gals on here who have young children. Well I give you credit, I don't think I could handle the tears and the diapers etc. Then there are the toddlers, they have learnt tantrums. All these to us veterans with PTSD I suppose, is like waving a red flag at a bull.

Well the majority of my children are adults now, but having moved in with my fiancee in May, I have managed to enjoy the added on advantage of two teenage girls and a 12 year old boy (I think they call them tweens).

Well I don't know what is worse for my mood. Argumentative teenagers who have learnt how to twist words and think they can get the better of you, who yell at you, or a screaming two year old. At least with a two year old you can lock them in their room, give them a treat, or that thousand yard death stare, to shut them up.

What to do with the teenagers. Apparently the rationality side of a child does not finish developing until they are nearly 21. f*ck me that explains a lot. With a woman, it does not develop at all (Jokes).

The 18 year old. Who over here is now old enough to vote, old enough to drink, old enough to drive and has finished school. Well, she seems to think a 24 hour week is a long week. She seems to think that everyone has to get out of the way when she has to do something.

Well, we got home at lunchtime after going to watch my 14 yr old boy play rugby league (they won and he scored a try) and the sink was full of dirty dishes, including one from the night before which she said she would get around to. So, me being tired from the two hour return trip, back a bit sore, a bit stressed from kids screaming at the footy match, should have gone and had some 'Time Out', but there was no time like the present and I let her have it both barrels.

I just tell you this much, I felt like using a couple of zip ties and some masking tape on her. Maybe a wet sugar sack over her head.

But what they have to learn is that we as parents, whether my children or not, we love and treat all the same.

I welcome anyone's bitch if they feel the need.

 

[Wagon]

My entire vacation with the 2 year old...... My wife gave her to me to look after because she was tired of the terrible 2's. I can see why. She tried to stab me with a wooden sword. "No Gabriella, no. no no NO NO!"

And the whole vacation, I must have said "Gabriella" 400 times. Then on one of the last days, we were trying to go in some place for lunch and Gabriella had gone off mission again...... Blade of grass caught her attention.

"Gabriella do you have 2 ears?"
"No"

Not to mention the sibling rivalry already developing. "Stop bloody fighting!"

Teen years should be a joy. Me thinks I'll have to be a bit more tricksy!!

 

[abnvet]

Ok, since you've opened the door to this discussion----

My 19 year old daughter has decided to move in with me to attend college. She has never lived with me as she visits from where she lives with her mother since 1995. I'm remarried and my current wife and daughter really don't get along. It was my advice as I offered my daughter a place to live to attend college, knowing very well that if she stayed with her mother that college would surely be a blow off. Her mother has been little to no support when it comes to education and she barely graduated high school this year. So now I have two women living at my house who sometimes yes and sometimes no get along. WTF did I do offering this up as I set my next couple of years up to be a grand beating........

 

[Jimmy1]

Yes, we set ourselves up. All I have ever been doing is wanting the best for everyone.

Margaret said to me last night, 'What if they don't want to change'. My thoughts, if they were in their workplace and they put a new rule in, they would have to do it or get fired. Right now I am feeling alienated. I slept about 3 hours last night.

I have thought about sending my boy to his mothers, but that would end badly. I have thought of walking away from this brilliant relationship. Its not their fault I have PTSD, but its like they don't really give a crap.

 

[Wagon]

I don't mean to go off on a tangent. But I wonder....

Is it normal for people with PTSD to consistently bite off more than they can chew. Do we all think we are super human and can tackle just about anything. Hell I know I have thought so in the past. Now I'm doubtful as hell. I don't know what I can and cannot handle any more. A little train set in the park maybe. Just don't f'ing touch it!!!

The family thing I have royally screwed up in the past. Still mending fences.

 

[Fargo1]

It seems to me that it is partially us and partially our training. Most of us are pretty driven by something, duty, money, whatever. The you get through training and get posted, then esprit de corps starts kicking in, never let a buddy down, all for one- one for all, etc. And that sticks with you.

It is hard corps in me, that is for sure. I always take on more than I should knowing that I more-than-likely will get it done. Until recently. Now more than one task at a time is too much. Which kicks in frustration, that turns to anger....Then the Lizard comes to play.

 

[abnvet]

Whewww...took my daughter to the college today, no wait yesterday - well its 0315 already. She had to take a college placement exam. She went into the exam feeling prepared (as she said) but in the end it was disastrous. She just didn't do well and was told that she should take it again. See she missed the dates for the national SAT and now must take this placement exam so she can register for fall classes. She now wants to take the exam again today- yeah it is already today. I told her to study some and go back to retest on Friday. It was a very frustrating day!

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Well, as the mother of two who are in their 20s, girl and boy, 14 year old and 12 year old sons, and the grandmother of a soon to be 4 year boy, I can honestly say that I have no idea about how to raise kids. Its like being placed in a giant maze blindfolded and you have to feel your way through. Yeah, I know, every kid is different and what works with one may not necessarily work for another. Many of you may remember that I told my daughter (age 24), who felt like she was being treated like Cinderella, to move out. My oldest son is doing well going to college and living across the state with my sister. My two younger sons avoid each other but they do interact with their friends and so far have not caused too much trouble for me. The grandson is still trying to rule the roost but we're working on that.

Jimmy, I actually have a plaque with that quotation on it, "raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree". My mother-in-law gave it to me years ago. No truer words were ever written.

I'm not sure if the PTSD causes us to bite off more than we can chew or if its just our personalities that make us want to try and make everything better for people. Either way it can cause a great deal of frustration. I still say the best solution is to take all the tweeners and teens between the ages of 11 and 20, drop them on some deserted island somewhere and may the strongest survive. I must have driven my parents nuts with the crap I pulled! Now with all the technology that they seem to need just to survive puberty its enough to drive you into the looney tune farm or bankruptcy.

Well, if any of you figure it all out please let me know, cause I sure haven't got a clue about raising teens.

 

[Wagon]

Nodding here Deb,

My girls are young and pretty sweet and funny....for now. But I look around here in Sweden and Norway and get angry. A bunch of these kids are pretending they are american hip hop gangsters from some ghetto in the US. WTF.
I've lived in some ghettos and on the edges of some pretty nasty ones in Baltimore. (Do not cross this line if you are not black)

So I entertain this little fantasy Reality Show. You advertise "Learn how to be a real gangsta hip hop star in America" Charge 5000USD a head (easy money for these spoiled hopeless kids) get em all on a charter plane to Baltimore and bus them directly to just north of North Avenue (Some of you may know the area) Give em each 100 dollars and say, see you in 2 weeks, have fun. Watch the results on CCTV.

That would cure the survivors........may have some casualties though.

Wagon

 

[Jimmy1]

Its all a control thing. We veterans with PTSD have a lot of problems when we are not well. When we can't control our own head, we want to control our environment which includes our partners, and our children.

The big issue is the children are learning to become adults. They are testing the barriers and how far they can push.
The problem is that we don't have that tolerance any more. And if we walk away because we are going to tear their heads off, they think they have won. So we must as parents with PTSD practice the following:

Recognise (Recognise we are building up)
Retreat (Tell them its Time Out)
Relax (Go away and chill, listen to music, play a game)
Return (Go back to see them)
Revisit (Let them know that arguing was not right, and what the result is)

Just what my therapist told me.

The only problem with this way of thinking is that young children and teenagers have the attention span of a fly.
But once you get them in the habit of it, its good.