Sufferer triggers & venting

[lostwanderer]

i'm new here.... i just need to vent & It might be long
<freezes cuz i don't know where to start>

the last few months i've been living with my brother and his kiddos and it's been soooo triggering
there are 2 main instances between my brother and i most recently that i can tell have sent me into a massive freeze & i am SWIRLING

a little background:
my bro and i were pretty inseperable growing up until about high school. we're a year and a half apart (i'm older) and i recall seeking solace in each other when our parents (mostly mom) had tremendous blow up fights yelling across the house. i understand cognitively that people grow up and grow apart and my brother started dating pretty early (part of that growing up and growing apart thing). not too long after, he met his soon-to-be wife. our parents were in the middle of a divorce at this point and i had moved out of the house and then moved back in with just my dad and bro - that whole experience felt so isolating living with them.

i realized after a brief conversation with my brother recently that i had some pain, hurt & sadness from those past moments feeling like i had been replaced. over the course of many years since then, i had tried to connect with him - phone calls, dinners, whatever - and it seemed like none of it was really reciprocated which definitely added to that hurt. i had shared all this with him a couple weeks ago due to him sharing with me that he had met someone (he's also now divorced) and he really liked her and i noticed that when he shared that with me although i was happy for him that i felt some sadness to & i shared why

sooooo we have this heartfelt convo, he says he wants to hang out and spend time with me and we had made a tentative plan for later that evening. he blew me off. why? because he was out with this new girl all day and "plans changed". i was rightfully hurt and upset and i called him out on it. he owned it. we talked a bit more a few days later and i'm sharing with him super vulnerably about how loud my inner critic is and even some of the things that i hear it say even as we were talking. he responds: "i think you need to see someone" and it was like a switch just flipped and i felt sooo much anger. i told him that i hadn't asked. i know that this was super triggering for me although why i couldn't tell you. i know that i certainly did not feel seen or understood. and now i don't feel safe enough to share pretty much anything with him for fear of being judged or told what to do (something our mom did to me regularly). i can tell that i am internally criticizing him and pretty much everything he does right now and i'm not too thrilled with myself that i'm doing that. i am trying so hard to meet myself in it with compassion and love and to hear what my inner child actually needs but i'm really struggling. and it all just feels so awkward. and of course my inner critic has lots to say about it so that's exhausting shutting that down but i sure feel like i made a mistake - a mistake in staying here, a mistake in believing that he was actually a safe enough person to be vulnerable with..... yeah it hurts, it all hurts.

anyways, i think that's all for now otherwise this would just turn into a laundry list of all the things that i'm annoyed at my brother with

thanks to anyone who actually reads this. to be clear: i'm not looking for or asking for any advice

 

[Riley Jones]

Welcome to the community, lostwanderer. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's completely understandable that living with triggers can be overwhelming and bring up past wounds.

It sounds like your relationship with your brother has its complexities and has been challenging for you. It's common for past patterns and unresolved feelings to resurface in present interactions, especially with family members. Your feelings of hurt and betrayal are valid, and it's okay to feel the way you do.

Connecting with others who can relate to your experiences can be incredibly helpful in processing your emotions and feeling understood. In this community, you can find support and empathy from individuals who may have gone through similar situations.

You mentioned feeling triggered by your brother's response to your vulnerability, and that's a valid reaction. It's important to prioritize your emotional well-being and boundaries. Seeking support from a professional, like a therapist or counselor, can also be beneficial in navigating these complex emotions and experiences.

On myptsd.com, there are specific forums dedicated to various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD where you can find discussions and support. Feel free to explore these forums and connect with others who may have similar experiences. Remember, you are not alone, and there are people here who understand and are willing to listen.

Take care of yourself, and feel free to share more whenever you feel comfortable. Your voice matters, and you deserve to be heard and supported.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community!

thanks to anyone who actually reads this. to be clear: i'm not looking for or asking for any advice

If you’re looking for a place to write without member replies, I’d suggest starting a trauma diary & placing that in the title, or starting a private diary.

There are 3 Diary subforums, each with different levels of catered privacy.

Trauma Diaries - Anyone may read/reply.
Trauma Diaries (Members) - Only MyPTSD members may read/reply (as such, are not indexed by search engines)
Trauma Diaries (Private) - Only yourself & admin may read/reply.

 

[arfie]

hope the venting helped, lost wanderer. sometimes it does. for my own psycho nickel, at the very least, venting helps me get ^it^ into words. the sorting is so much easier when i have words for whatever is bubbling in my psycho cauldron

he blew me off. why? because he was out with this new girl all day and "plans changed".

is he divorced is the "new girl" the same old wife who replaced you after he grew up. just curious. somehow, it seems like a significant detail.

steadying support while you sort. keep venting. your answers are in there.

 

[lostwanderer]

thank you @arfie. your kindness and understanding go a long way

is he divorced is the "new girl" the same old wife who replaced you after he grew up. just curious. somehow, it seems like a significant detail.

yes, he is divorced. the "new girl" is a new girl not his ex-wife

thank you @Riley Jones

Welcome to the community!


If you’re looking for a place to write without member replies, I’d suggest starting a trauma diary & placing that in the title, or starting a private diary.

There are 3 Diary subforums, each with different levels of catered privacy.

thanks @Friday i wasn't aware that there was a separate place for me to post when i just needed to vent, be seen, or understood. i got the impression that this forum as a whole was a safe place for me to share without immediately getting advice sent my way

 

[Friday]

i got the impression that this forum as a whole was a safe place for me to share without immediately getting advice sent my way

We’re peer-to-peer. Posting in discussion forums invites comments, by nature of the platform. As such, we also create space for members to be able to work things out privately (private diaries), or to have a greater say in how a particular thread is managed (public & members only diaries).

Mission​

Peer support subsequent to trauma contributes to full recovery. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) -- including complex trauma (cPTSD) -- is debilitating, breaking down the body through anxiety and stress, and it poses a significant suicide risk in sufferers. MyPTSD exists to help and inform those who are directly or indirectly affected by these conditions through providing peer-to-peer support and educational resources.

Community Constitution

A greater meaning to what is essentially agreed community principles.

www.myptsd.com

Reading Forum Increases Symptoms!

I want to extend the overall benefit of what reading and posting on any community related to your trauma will do for you. Exposure therapy, being a part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), is aimed at getting you increased exposure to your fears. Reading and writing in direct, or indirect...

www.myptsd.com

 

[lostwanderer]

We’re peer-to-peer. Posting in discussion forums invites comments, by nature of the platform. As such, we also create space for members to be able to work things out privately (private diaries), or to have a greater say in how a particular thread is managed (public & members only diaries).

Reading Forum Increases Symptoms!

I want to extend the overall benefit of what reading and posting on any community related to your trauma will do for you. Exposure therapy, being a part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), is aimed at getting you increased exposure to your fears. Reading and writing in direct, or indirect...

www.myptsd.com

i understand @Friday .... maybe you could help clarify for me the difference between peer-to-peer comments or replies versus advice then because i was under the impression that those things are different???? my understanding is that advice is when another person gives suggestions to help fix a situation and comments are just comments.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:

my understanding is that advice is when another person gives suggestions to help fix a situation and comments are just comments.

Recommend touching base with the Community Constitution, which explains what the forum is about.

While the distinction between advice/comments may be important to you personally, you’ll notice that the Community Constitution focuses on peer-to-peer support. We typically don’t police folks providing support, which may include comments that you consider to be advice, because it’s why the forum exists. It may be clear in your mind what ‘comment’ does or doesn’t include, but it’s an ambiguous term, particularly on an international forum such as this.

As @Friday mentioned, there are spaces where you can keep your posts private if that’s what you’re after.

 

[lostwanderer]

Mod Note:

Recommend touching base with the Community Constitution, which explains what the forum is about.

While the distinction between advice/comments may be important to you personally, you’ll notice that the Community Constitution focuses on peer-to-peer support. We typically don’t police folks providing support, which may include comments that you consider to be advice, because it’s why the forum exists. It may be clear in your mind what ‘comment’ does or doesn’t include, but it’s an ambiguous term, particularly on an international forum such as this.

As @Friday mentioned, there are spaces where you can keep your posts private if that’s what you’re after.

thank you @Sideways it's clear that this community isn't a safe enough place for me so i will gladly bow out.

to be clear: i wasn't trying to start any sort of argument but validation is very important for me (as i'm sure it is for many others) and coming in hot with advice isn't helpful hence why i was stating that at the very beginning of my post.

not much of this exchange felt like anyone was seeking to understand but rather to prove a point. disappointing but thanks for letting me see the true colors before i got too invested

 

[anthony]

it's clear that this community isn't a safe enough place for me

You need to toughen up, because there is no such thing as a safe space on the internet, even life... its perceived, not guaranteed safe.

 

[Rose White]

not much of this exchange felt like anyone was seeking to understand but rather to prove a point.

It seemed they were trying to help you get familiar with the site. Many of us on here have ongoing shit that we vent regularly and the diaries are a great place to do it—and there are different kinds. Plus there are different ways we communicate whether or not we want feedback.