Rape Signals

[Hashi]

I would suspect that a creep and a weirdo would be asking this as part of a scattergun approach (maybe they'll hit a target and maybe they won't) or as something not connected to anything.

I don't think it's to do with "rape signals".

 

[jmni]

Well it just happened repeatedly so I wondered if there was some subtext to it. The most apparent thing is that I was around creeps without really recognizing that they were creeps.

 

[Hashi]

Maybe the issue is more about "creep signals"? I don't mean that flippantly, it sounds like you've been questioning something about yourself that's nothing about you, and that can be more about not seeing other people's flags, like you say.

 

[Echo]

@jmni - I wonder if the truth is that you did register the signals that something was wrong, but instead of seeing them as 'creep' / 'potential rapist' signals, you blamed yourself and thought there must be something wrong with you. In fact, because you register the signals and got right away, it means your antennae were working extremely well.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@ghotiff,
BUT, in this instance, there is some sort of sign that is given off that prompts one to ask "have you been raped?" That means that the rape is in fact an issue and therefore relevant to a significant other.

Edited to add, in reference to the original post asking about rape signals. If there is no sign, then nothing to ask, it doesn't bother you, then no, you wouldn't need to tell someone. But in this context of there being signs of rape, I say yes, one should tell a significant other as it isn't fair to subject them to an atypical reaction when they are just trying to be affectionate. You owe them that at the very least, spoken as someone who has killed more than one "moment" by my unexpected reaction.

 

[jmni]

In one case it was an old man. He stalked me. I met him at a diner and he would go there and wait for me to show up. He told me that he went to my work and talked about me with someone there but wouldn't tell me who. I gave him my number and he began asking me questions like I was a victim and demanding to know what happened to me. He would call me by my name, "My ...". It was really nasty.

In another case I was hanging out with this guy as friends. Then he put me on the spot and asked me if I was raped. Then he told me this dumb story about beating up rapists. Which is pathetic. For him the idea of him beating someone up is enough justice for a rapist. He lunged at me and tried to initiate sex with me and I ran away.

In the last case it was about seven years ago. I became a "roommate". This person and his friends harassed me mercillessly the entire time I was there. That was a female who did that to me, to impress a bunch of losers.

In each case I think that these people want to put you on the spot and ask you the most inappropriate question to make you as vulnerable as possible and hurt you as much as they can. Why would anyone ever do something like that?

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I think there's some stereotypes out there. If you like older men. You flirt too much. You wear short skirts. You have low self esteem. You flirt too much.

Of course none of that really is a real thing, just stereotypes. I know my mom has told me I might as well have 'rape me' tattooed on my forehead- thanks mom! She always says it's because I'm too sweet, have daddy issues and accept bad behavior. Not sure how true that is, but I feel ya!

I've also been told similar things by other people and what I've realise is... Rape is a joke to a lot of people, and some people talk about it super casually. So saying 'you seem like a rape victim' is almost like 'you would look great blonde!' Very silly. Some guys look for 'weak' girls and starting with that kind of line makes a girl feel like she can open up and that the guy just 'gets' her.

I could be so wrong by the way!