It would depend a lot on the context. Had you reacted to something? Had they observed things about you over time? Were they medical or other professionals?
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Rape Signals
- Post starter jmni
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It would depend a lot on the context. Had you reacted to something? Had they observed things about you over time? Were they medical or other professionals?
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- #14
anthony
Founder
I honestly don't believe it is an insensitive question to ask a person. It is just a question, nothing more, nothing less. Decades ago women used to be embarrassed and hide their periods, where now it's not hidden away. We have ads everywhere about tampons, pads, periods, a normal part of being a female.
The only time I would say it is creepy is if a stranger asks the question, then shows some sign of sick pleasure in knowing the answer. That would be creepy... but asking a person if they've been raped? I honestly see nothing wrong with it. It's just a question, and the person has a right to answer or not based on their beliefs.
Society has leaped forward in so many good areas that remove stigma and shame from normal everyday occurrences, then you have those who want to put that stigma right back again by hiding and maintaining such things are secretive and disgusting or such to be asked or talked about openly.
The only time I would say it is creepy is if a stranger asks the question, then shows some sign of sick pleasure in knowing the answer. That would be creepy... but asking a person if they've been raped? I honestly see nothing wrong with it. It's just a question, and the person has a right to answer or not based on their beliefs.
Society has leaped forward in so many good areas that remove stigma and shame from normal everyday occurrences, then you have those who want to put that stigma right back again by hiding and maintaining such things are secretive and disgusting or such to be asked or talked about openly.
Respectfully, but violently disagree.
The word 'rape' for me is a massive trigger (I'm shaking just trying to type this). If/when someone asks this type of question I have no ability to avoid a response that does not make it completely obvious (even to the most ignorant, emotionally clueless person) that the answer is yes (freezing, is a response). I can not imagine a circumstance (outside of medical professional spaces) where my answer to this question is ever relevant. I don't believe that it is any one else's business, and it should have no bearing on anyone else's life (other than someone medically treating me who have to make allowances during the course of that medical treatment).
D
Deleted member 1860
@ghotiff,
I think the answer would be relevant to a significant other.
I think the answer would be relevant to a significant other.
M
Mayday
For me it would depend on the context. If it were a therapist, police officer, health professional or someone who was in a position to help, and in a situation where that information would be relevant. Perhaps a significant other or someone you've been or are expecting to be physically intimate might ask.
I think it would be an insensitive question to ask someone in a social setting, or just because you're curious.
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If I had been raped and had no PTSD (or similar related issues), then there is no relevance to a significant other.
I'm married, so I'm not going to ever be in a new relationship, but I still dream of the day when my issues are so behind me that I if I was in a new relationship...I would not need to disclose. Maybe I would at some point, but I wouldn't feel the need to, as I do now.
I'm married, so I'm not going to ever be in a new relationship, but I still dream of the day when my issues are so behind me that I if I was in a new relationship...I would not need to disclose. Maybe I would at some point, but I wouldn't feel the need to, as I do now.
E
Echo
I don't see it as an issue of stigma. I do though think there are some things that are intensely painful to people - whether it is cancer, bereavement, rape, abuse, what a serviceman has witnessed in live action - and even as a significant other or a close friend, I would wait for that person to broach the subject with me. I would make it clear they could trust me and they would hopefully see I wouldn't be judgmental or insensitive meanwhile. For this reason, I think, many people have confided in me in their own time.
Unless one is a professional, I think a more direct question would be invasive and may precipitate pain needlessly.
But we all come from different cultural backgrounds and maybe in some there is a tendency to be more direct. In Germany, for instance, people will often ask you how much you earn; in the UK people consider it none of anyone else's business (unless you are a public servant). I don't think the fact that I've been raped and abused is anyone's business. It took me a very long time to tell my other halves and I only did so when I felt I could trust them. I don't care who knows (caring would indicate there was a stigma for me), but I reserve the right not to tell people myself unless I want to, and I would find it invasive to be asked except by my gynacaeologist or my own psychiatrist.
Unless one is a professional, I think a more direct question would be invasive and may precipitate pain needlessly.
But we all come from different cultural backgrounds and maybe in some there is a tendency to be more direct. In Germany, for instance, people will often ask you how much you earn; in the UK people consider it none of anyone else's business (unless you are a public servant). I don't think the fact that I've been raped and abused is anyone's business. It took me a very long time to tell my other halves and I only did so when I felt I could trust them. I don't care who knows (caring would indicate there was a stigma for me), but I reserve the right not to tell people myself unless I want to, and I would find it invasive to be asked except by my gynacaeologist or my own psychiatrist.
Meadowsweet
Diamond Member
I very strongly agree with this sentiment.
In relation to being asked, I find it physically difficult to say "I was raped" out loud, but sometimes I would like people to know because it can be a wall that leads me to keep people from getting too close. So for me, somebody asking me is a welcome invitation, it's like somebody indicating that I'm allowed to say it and that it will be safe and acceptable to do that in front of them.
A
Anna
Anthony, rape is not NORMAL like a period, tampons pads etc... Comparing it to that is WRONG in so many ways. I know you probably did not want it to come across like that and were comparing to the disgust idea of society, but comparing a normal body function to a violent crime is not right.
I agree that it should not be hidden away and people should not be ashamed of it, but please do not compare it to something like a period which is natural and happens to every woman. I agree wholeheartedly about society leaping forward.
E
Echo
Depends on which society we are talking about. Whilst some may be more open and straightforward about the truth of certain crimes, there are plenty of societies in the world, which are going in entirely the opposite direction.
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- #24
Well in both cases it was asked by creeps. In one case by someone who actually uses this as a line. It was so weird. He asked if I was raped then proceeded to tell me he was raped by a woman and that he beats up rapists as an act of revenge. It turned out that he did have some kind of wack-a-doodle record but not for that. In the other case by a dirty old man who was stalking me. On another occasion some freakish woman actually asked me this to put me on the spot when she was with a gang of her gross stupid retarded friends.
Except recently my therapist asked me that and I thought that was really weird because I had already told her and she seemed to of momentarily forgotten.
Based on the variety of answers I think people's behaviors are too varied for there to be any actual indication of rape history. I mean you could be raped everyday for years and no one figures it out. So .. it's stupid.
I think it's inappropriate. Rape has been reduced to the point of of being treated like some kind of joke that is used for the purpose of sadistic bullying. Once when I was on a date with someone at a bar he actually looked at me and said "rape-rape-rape-rape-rape" in a sing-song voice. It's just weird and pathetic that people, younger men in particular, behave as though they can treat it like a joke. This is clearly psychotic and a strong indication of criminal intent and a criminalistic culture. I think anyone who would do this is so weak and so desperate to empower themselves they are eager to stoop the lowest denominator to make themselves feel stronger. It's brutality and the worst thing that you can do to someone besides murder. Its really no one else's business and clearly something a person has to chose to share.
Except recently my therapist asked me that and I thought that was really weird because I had already told her and she seemed to of momentarily forgotten.
Based on the variety of answers I think people's behaviors are too varied for there to be any actual indication of rape history. I mean you could be raped everyday for years and no one figures it out. So .. it's stupid.
I think it's inappropriate. Rape has been reduced to the point of of being treated like some kind of joke that is used for the purpose of sadistic bullying. Once when I was on a date with someone at a bar he actually looked at me and said "rape-rape-rape-rape-rape" in a sing-song voice. It's just weird and pathetic that people, younger men in particular, behave as though they can treat it like a joke. This is clearly psychotic and a strong indication of criminal intent and a criminalistic culture. I think anyone who would do this is so weak and so desperate to empower themselves they are eager to stoop the lowest denominator to make themselves feel stronger. It's brutality and the worst thing that you can do to someone besides murder. Its really no one else's business and clearly something a person has to chose to share.
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