I hope I am not counting my chickens too early but something very important has changed and I am holding my breathe.
I hate to sound dramatic but an essential part of my self felt like it was exterminated in therapy 4 years ago in a way I was left puzzled and ashamed of. And it seems it may be back or at least emerging.
I am not sure why although I think it is a result of the hard work I have put in over the last 4 years and it has been hard.
Everything that has happened to me and which I still think is fairly magnolia I approached with determination and even if deluded and not facing the truth the part of me that was engaged was single minded.
There were advantages but the last 4 years have been a lesson in humility and growth in a way that felt like I was going backwards. There were so many lessons in it for me that were hard and even unpalatable. It was a lesson in the many types of strengths and power and that nothing is necessarily as it seems. It was also a lesson in the power of the human mind and that humility is sometimes that can win. That ego alone sometimes doesn't do it. When it cam to myself I am afraid that was not a strong point in the past.
I hope I won't be eating humble pie again and I am realistic and know that the day to day battles aren't going to change but getting the hopeful fighting and clear part back from what feels like those who have tried to extinguish it is more important to me.
My childhoods friends mother died very suddenly today and many changes have happened recently as well as me managing to discuss some of my deep fears. Maybe these are a factor but the day to day tiny goals and successes I are important too.
I have many victories already. And that means I can continue to do the same in other areas of my life.
I hate to sound dramatic but an essential part of my self felt like it was exterminated in therapy 4 years ago in a way I was left puzzled and ashamed of. And it seems it may be back or at least emerging.
I am not sure why although I think it is a result of the hard work I have put in over the last 4 years and it has been hard.
Everything that has happened to me and which I still think is fairly magnolia I approached with determination and even if deluded and not facing the truth the part of me that was engaged was single minded.
There were advantages but the last 4 years have been a lesson in humility and growth in a way that felt like I was going backwards. There were so many lessons in it for me that were hard and even unpalatable. It was a lesson in the many types of strengths and power and that nothing is necessarily as it seems. It was also a lesson in the power of the human mind and that humility is sometimes that can win. That ego alone sometimes doesn't do it. When it cam to myself I am afraid that was not a strong point in the past.
I hope I won't be eating humble pie again and I am realistic and know that the day to day battles aren't going to change but getting the hopeful fighting and clear part back from what feels like those who have tried to extinguish it is more important to me.
My childhoods friends mother died very suddenly today and many changes have happened recently as well as me managing to discuss some of my deep fears. Maybe these are a factor but the day to day tiny goals and successes I are important too.
I have many victories already. And that means I can continue to do the same in other areas of my life.
