Re:sexual Thoughts

[Ajinu]

This topic was just posted in a thread a few days ago. I really struggle with abusive porn and thoughts of extreme violence. I feel immense guilt for it, but it's the only way for me to feel aroused.
I would never hurt another person, but then why is this a problem for me and so many others.
I used to think it was abnormal and made me a horrible, sick person. I still think it does.
Why can't I just have a normal relationship, with normal issues, and be turned on by normal things.
Now sex, is just an act. There is no love associated with it, but only pleasure and pain simultaneously.
I don't even want to speak to a therapist about this since it disgusts me so much

 

[Utiri]

Your sexual responses are not your fault since they're hardly voluntary. If they're a response to your own trauma then they're just part of the ongoing trauma. However I do think we get habituated and need higher and higher levels of stimuli to turn us on if we keep feeding the monster. You might try dialing back the porn and pain and see if you can get back onto emotionally safer/saner ground.

I would try talking to your T though. They've heard it all, and there's not much point holding back something that's causing you so much suffering.

(Obviously my thoughts are not applicable to the BDSM people who love it tough and don't suffer over it.)

 

[Uhom]

I don't have any association between sex and love either. Childhood sexual abuse put the nail in that proverbial coffin. To associate the two would make me feel like a sell out to my younger self. Not happening.

 

[Upofa]

I struggle with this also. Denying it (not so much denying, but maybe less indulging/feeding it) seems to lessen it. It was really difficult in the beginning, but it did get easier. I don't enjoy sex as much anymore though. No change in my sex life, just change in my thoughts during.