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Re: The Crisis Line Of Doom.

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Something about being on the edge of killing yourself, you have the knife out; you know where you're gonna lay down; you know enough that you know you are seconds away from actually doing it- you talk to the Uni Crisis line, and now you're in tears, you're shaking, you're crying, you want help, but you're a man and men don't need help.

I'm bad enough that no living being scares me. I have been nose to nose with mountain lions and bears; but the fear of killing myself terrifies me. And when I reach out, who do I go to? I can't even go to the campus PD. I did that, and they're "too busy". Really? Doing what?
 
the fear of killing myself terrifies me.
This is a good thing, even though I know it never really feels like a good thing. That fear keeps many people alive, and gives them the chance to find a better minute, hour, day, week, year, life.
And when I reach out, who do I go to?
Is hospital an option for you? (I'm guessing, no - but never hurts to ask). Otherwise - get rid of the tool (knife, you referred to) and ride out the grief.

More and more text lines are coming into existence. Reddit has a not-great but not-bad suicide sub forum as well, there are usually people there who understand. And the more difficult option - get a cell phone from a different area code. The calls are routed by area code, not by location. Some area codes are much better than others - sounds like your current one is craptastic.
 
That's an awesome trick, Joey! :D
get a cell phone from a different area code.

For anyone not familiar with this... And is thinking "real" mobile phone expense...An el cheapo burner flip phone is $5. They tend to have the best VOICE reception (as opposed to el cheapo smart phones, for $20-$40), which are great if all you do is text, but have lousy awful say-again sorry what? I couldn't understand you my phone sucks, voice. You don't get both with burner phones. They're cheap for a reason. Cutting edge 1999-2002 teknowlogy. Wheeee. But? Cheap.

Voice : Flip Phone no frills alphanumeric texting ($5)
Texting : Smartphone ($20-40)

Then you buy a phone card & choose your rate plan. I generally do the $2 per day unlimited, because that's $15 for 7 days over 3 months. If I'm going to use it more than 7 days a month? $30 for unlimited voice/text for the month. 2 cheapest plans out there, of you actually plan to use the sucker.

Once you've loaded your card, and chosen your rate plan, it asks for your zip code. Then it sends you your number.

So if crisis routing goes by area code? Voila. Your phones area code matches whatever zip code you put in.

...

Of course, it's only about $10 to change the number on your real phone. But the above is assuming you actually want to keep your local number/area code.
 
Something I have never talked about cause it hasn't happened in a while is my husband had threatened suicide to me more than once. One time I wasn't home and he called me , told me what he was doing, said if I called the police he'd be through before they got in. The only reason he claims he wouldn't do it is I wouldn't tell him what woods I was in and nobody knew where I was. He never did it again after that. You want to talk about pressure? Lord the more I talk about stuff the more I wonder how I've kept myself relatively sane.
 
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