Rebuilding my life after long-term narcissistic abuse

Empty Shell

Confident
I havenʻt been on for awhile. I was assaulted by a customer while working and avoid looking at books or this screen. Perm damage to my L eye and itʻs difficult. That was (9/30/22) and the past 13 months have been sheer hell. Abuse at home, abuse at work. More abuse at work because I wouldnʻt sign all these papers I couldnʻt see. Huge corporation. I never worked for one of these kinds of jobs before. Never will again. In fact, it burned me out on retail so bad I do not wish to celebrate Christmas at all this year.

Plenty more, but to add to that I finally left my abuser in January after 7-1/2 years of serving him. Yes. We are married. I backed out 4 times and he finally said the right thing, played on my guilt and I was in shock afterwards. This has not been an easy journey.

Wasted 35 days in a place 3.5 hrs away. They promised me the moon and the stars. Dual-Diagnosis and all that good stuff. I felt like I was in a detox center w not much to do. There was ZERO place to “process” my trauma. All of it. I just coping skills. They made me worse. Informed me they were “dismissing” me because turns out they are just an alcohol facility. Their website says dual-diagnosis, Trauma, depression and so on. Itʻs all a scam. And they billed my ins $88,000 !! It was an absolute waste of 35 days Iʻll never get back.

Onwards to a DV shelter. Oh. Holy Shit. Just let that say it all. I donʻt want to relive any of that 4-1/2 mos ! I am grateful to them however. There were blessings that came out of it. I do have my own place now. Just trying to pick up the pieces.

Iʻm fearful when I shouldnʻt be. Itʻs something I canʻt seem to shake. Yet. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.. I donʻt want to attract that kind of stuff into my life.

I listen to positive podcasts, have no TV and havenʻt since January which isnʻt such a bad thing. I tend to get drawn into the news drama and itʻs depressing. I attend a support group every morning. I plan to finally pick up all the loose papers that are disorganized anyway - at least I can clean this place up.

I have someone coming over a few hrs on Monday to help me organize. 🤞
Have a wonderful day. Donʻt forget to breathe.
Gratitude list helps me get out of my negativity.

☮️
 
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