Reconnecting With The Past

[Lost.n.confused]

I need some advice. Please all opinions are wanted.

My PTSD is caused by a multiple of past experiencs, and I am not 100% proud of my past but it is what it is and it made me (good or bad) who I am today. To get to the point, I let my past into my present. I forgive and move on and have a big heart. My significant other right now is having a hard time with my contacting friends from my past. Becasue of the life I lived back when we were friends.

Am I suppose to just forget me past friendships bc we made mistakes? I feel contacting them is my safe spot. They know what I have been through and don't judge me. I feel that my boyfriend now judges me and can't accept my past. I cannot just act like these people don't exist to me.

I'm sorry, I'm venting .. I feel my life is going every situation and its time to just throw in the towl on another good relationship because he just doesn't understand and never will because he hasn't lived the life I have (thank goodness)

 

[Viosinger]

I wouldn't throw in the towel. The best thing is that you're being open about contacting people. But I've learned the hard way that some people who knew me then don't know me now, and often (for me at least) weren't the kind of support I really needed. Can I ask why it bothers your boyfriend? Past lovers? Drugs/alcohol?

 

[Lost.n.confused]

No past lovers ( not allowed or was asked not to associate with any ex lovers) except my kids father that I talk to. My past friends, yes we did drugs together, 15yrs ago but we are all clean and grown up. He doesn't understand wanting and needing these friends that understand me.. And they don't judge for past actions bc they made the same mistake.

 

[Viosinger]

Is there a way to introduce him? Just hope there's a way to make it work. For different/various reasons, I have a significant other who struggles with my friends, but I'd hate to have to choose.

Also, glad/hope otherwise you're doing well. A support group of clean friends could be fantastic!

 

[Hashi]

If it's OK to ask, what's your significant other like with regard to this? Is he telling you gently that he's worried for you, or is he telling you what he wants you to do and not do? Is he "correcting" your ideas about this?

Do you have any good friends who aren't from the past?

 

[WillyKat]

My wife had some problems with me contacting old friends and letting them know the real me too. I didn't understand what her problem was/is and I don't understand why your SO has a problem now.

Sounds like some weird form of jealousy, as if an email or a coffee date once in a while threatens your relationship.

So no, I don't believe forgetting the past is a good idea. Besides which, it isn't possible. Good or bad, your past is part of you, as are the people in it. I was just thinking earlier today about a couple of people that were big problems for me. I realize we're bonded together still, sometimes is friendship, sometimes by hurt feelings.

 

[TakeTheBaggage]

Your boyfriend sounds controlling. I'm sorry for the blatant honesty. You should be able to contact the people you want. If they are not good for you, it is your mistake and you will have to handle the fall out of your mistake. He may be absolutely correct in his concern; the people from your past may drag you down. But, the decision is ultimately yours to make, not his. My advise is to weigh his concern against your desire to contact the people from your past, and do what you decide is best. Good luck.