BlurryFace123
New Here
I went to my psychiatrist today and immediately apologized and said something along the lines of, “I’m sure you were annoyed when I got hospitalized right after our visit last time” and he made sure to put that to rest and reassure me he thought nothing of the sort- but then he continued.
He said, “you know you have been hospitalized a lot, what do you get from the hospital that you don’t get at home?” In the end he concluded that I had the capacity to make the decision to not go and work on it at home- I just didn’t.
I know he didn’t mean it bad or demeaning but…I sure felt like I was being attacked. It’s true, I’ve been hospitalized for suicidality on acute units about 20-30 times in between the years of 2016 to 2021. I HATE that, but I’ll admit sometimes I can’t help but feel safe at my hospital I go to, it’s the place that kept me safe when my abuse initially ended violently in 2015- so now I am faced with all of these thoughts.
Am I just sulking in self pity and not willing to stay home and try?Am I just weak? Pathetic? Do I crave the attention? Am I this awful and pathetic person that just won’t move on because it’s easier to give up?
I go to therapy and do the work- I get to all my appointments and I’m super compliant- but I have this crappy record of readmission. What is WRONG with me?
He said, “you know you have been hospitalized a lot, what do you get from the hospital that you don’t get at home?” In the end he concluded that I had the capacity to make the decision to not go and work on it at home- I just didn’t.
I know he didn’t mean it bad or demeaning but…I sure felt like I was being attacked. It’s true, I’ve been hospitalized for suicidality on acute units about 20-30 times in between the years of 2016 to 2021. I HATE that, but I’ll admit sometimes I can’t help but feel safe at my hospital I go to, it’s the place that kept me safe when my abuse initially ended violently in 2015- so now I am faced with all of these thoughts.
Am I just sulking in self pity and not willing to stay home and try?Am I just weak? Pathetic? Do I crave the attention? Am I this awful and pathetic person that just won’t move on because it’s easier to give up?
I go to therapy and do the work- I get to all my appointments and I’m super compliant- but I have this crappy record of readmission. What is WRONG with me?