Other Should I be worried or am i just very forgetful?

[Deleted member 47600]

Hi,
So I've been struggling a lot with dissociation and I'm not sure what's going on. I've posted about this before but I was seeing if things would go away/get berter.. but they haven't.
I'm diagnosed cptsd, anorexia and depression and I live in a mh residential placement which focus on a less restrictive policy so I go to college and are free to come and go as I please.
I'm not really sure how to explain all of this so I apologise In advanced if it's a bit of a mess.
I guess first off and most worrying for me. I keep losing chunks of time. For example I'll be pretty much fine and then I'll feel a bit dussorientated and then I'll find myself 3-4hours later and I'd gone about my day (from others point of view) as usual but I don't remember it. This happens nearly every day now, and I miss whole lessons in college and no way of figuring out what I've been doing.
The second thing as what i already know is derealization and depersonalization. Feeling detached from myself/feeling like I'm watching myself and not recognising myself. Everything seems very foggy or very highdeff but sometimes at the same time. Things appear flat and everything sounds very far away. Even everything feels like it's got a cold film around it.
The next thing is I hear voices. But I genuinely thought this was normal because I feel like I've had it for a while. And it's nothing awful that everyone assumes it is. It's kind of like having people live in your head. Theres 3 of they all have their own opions, Sometimes they argue, they try and make decisions for me because I don't really know who I am, or what i want, what i like/dislike or how I feel. So they decide for me. I thought everyone had some degree of this. You know when people say they're in two minds over something. That's how I feel so the time.
And the final thing is that I don't remember the trauma I went through, or most of my childhood for that matter. Which makes me question a lot of things but it all comes back in flashbacks.
I have googled some of this and I can't find anything that really fits. Staff here keep belittling everything and blame it on me being forgetful which I don't really like. I am very forgetful but I don't know if this is exactly 'normal'. I've spoke to the mh specialist but I don't think he really knows. I'm waiting to see a therapist (youd think id have one considering where i live but i havent had an proper therapy except a little bit when i was in hospital) but she's off until January and I'm getting inpatient and very worried.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey we cannot diagnose illnesses here but if you are really worried could you make an appointment to see a gp? At least he can rule out any physical illness that may be causing these symptoms.

I have googled some of this and I can't find anything that really fits. S

^^Google isn't a great diagnostic tool either and it may make you jump to wrong conclusions and cause more anxiety too.

Do you have any mindfulness techniques to help keep you in the here and now?

 

[Swift]

Hey,
Like everyone's said, we're not professionals so we can't diagnose you. ....
But, it does sound to me like it's dissociative amnesia. Of course, it could be amnesia from a physical or neurological condition and it's worth ruling those out first.

It could also fit the criteria for DID, the first of which is that "amnesia must occur, to the extent that it's too severe to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness."

I recently got a diagnosis of DID after 7+ years of therapy, and my main symptoms are the amnesia stuff. I freaked TF out because I thought (wrongly) that it was a psychotic disorder and that meant I was nuts. The therapy I'm doing for that and the reading I'm doing about it has really, really helped me. Check out PODS - Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors for some really really good articles....

Of course I don't know if you do or not. But I think the amnesia is a thing that's OK to be concerned about or OK to take to your treating professionals as a subject of discussion.

 

[Reflections]

To answer your title, worry isn't that helpful especially if it's adding stress. Acknowledging it's not just ordinary forgetfulness is helpful if it leads you to get help or take better care of yourself. Stressing out about it will likely just make it worse or at least deplete your health. Losing chunks of time regularly like that and chuncks of childhood isn't ordinary forgetfulness.

Collectively what you described sounds like qualities of a dissociation disorder(s). Like others have said we can't diagnosis you. Though it sounds like you want validation that what you're experiencing is not minor forgetfulness. Even if it's a dissociation disorder, in my experience, it takes time to know a dissociation disorder. It takes time for a T to diagnosis too. I read about dissociation many times and did not recognize myself in it because frankly I was too out of touch to know my experience. It took me awhile to be aware of how out of it I was, to be aware of what I wasn't experienceing, to be aware of how off things had actually become. It took specific events to bring out certain alters. I still don't relate to some things I read, but I've recognize now what I do relate too. I recall your posts from before and it sounds like you are better understanding your own experiences. For what it's worth, you're making steps in the right direction.

I know though it can be anxiety provoking and even scary not knowing what's happening and it's rough that you aren't able to see a T till January. I've been there, twice! It sounds like you're doing the best you can as far as seeing a proper T.

Something my T tells me is "we don't need a diagnosis to help you". I lack an official diagnosis (as I have no money or insurance). I don't clearly know if I better fit OSDD, DID, etc which is a fustration when communicating. What I know is I have alters in some capacity and my dissociation is chronic. The thing is, the treatment for dissociation disorders is all pretty much the same and trauma therapies are helpfu for treatment.

Before I got a good T I did what I could to help myself. Mostly mindfulness & meditation. Loving kindness meditations or giving myself compassion. Breathing techniques, coping skills, etc. What might be things you could be doing now to help yourself cope better, things to reduce stress and depression, or ways you could selfcare?

 

[Friday]

Memory loss can be cause by a LOT of different things. Medications, sleep dep, malnutrition, stress, disassociation... list goes on for ages. Environmental, physical, situational, mental/emotional.

In general? It’s something to ALWAYS bring to the attention of your doctors. They can actually run a differential with you and determine likely causes.

 

[Nessa7]

While you wait to see a therapist, I agree that it might be a good idea to see a doctor. A therapist would likely want you to rule out anything else that might be contributing to these symptoms.