Rejected And Accepted

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

It's been one of those days that get my brain all confused. I was supposed to start a partial hospitalization program today as part of my transition back from inpatient especially since my therapist is out of town for the next two weeks. The program rejected me saying after the amount of support I have had, I either haven't been using my skills or I need a different level of care. They even said that they don't usually take people back into the program (I have been there before), but I know that last time I was there in a room of about 10 people there were 2 or 3 who were not first-timers. And I distinctly remember them saying, they were always there if I needed a tune-up so to speak.

So I left there in tears, feeling like a failure. Feeling completely rejected. I drove home through tears. I ran into my house, slammed the door, and began yelling about how much I hate this life. I called and e-mailed my therapist and I continued crying. When my therapist e-mailed back, she said she doesn't have time to help me today. I am not surprised as she is getting ready to leave the country tomorrow. However, it felt like more rejection and I just responded with I don't care anymore. And at that moment it was true. I was feeling content to just sit on my bed, stare at the computer, cry, and just do nothing.

And that's just what I did for the last two hours. Then, I got an e-mail. It was from my local library giving me dates of when I can do a book talk and wishing me well. Acceptance. So while I am still very angry and upset about the partial program situation, I can see that glimpse of hope. Now if only I can find the energy to get up and start doing something. I really want to latch on to that acceptance and the hope that it brings. I don't want to fall back into the darkest places which is where I have been headed recently. Any words of encouragement or empathy are welcome.

 

[desiderata310]

Focusing on the positive is hard but really important right now.
I would also try to spin this if you can. The program didn't reject you, they have CONFIDENCE in you that you are going to be ok without them. That's the same message from your therapist: she knows that this felt terrible but she is confident that you will be ok till tomorrow when you two can speak. Now, you need to look at this and remind yourself that you are ok and be confident that you ARE ok and start planning that book event!

 

[Friday]

Strong 2nd for @desiderata310 :)

So the blowing up, anxiety attack, emotion storm, lashing out, etc. were a bit of a slip.

Now that that's over, what have you got that you can work with / the tools they mentioned? Do you have a list of coping techniques, practices, etc. that you can start working on? Is there any way that you can set things up at home to make them easier to access? A white board to write things out, or bulletin board to staple things to, copies to keep in your purse, etc. to help remind you while you're transitioning into making using tools at home as much habit as they are inpatient? What else can you do to ease the transition? Setting aside some time each day to do XYZ, maybe? Other things?

 

[desiderata310]

YEP! I would say setting up a routine will be helpful too.
What can you do to add structure to your life at home? What did you do in patient and at what times that you could replicate at home that will bring structure and make things feel better while you deal with this annoyingly floaty feeling time post inpatient?

 

[joeylittle]

Everyone is saying really smart things. Structure is critical - and while a PHP can be great for providing that, you can also build it for yourself. Look into your local NAMI chapter - you can find it at https://www.nami.org - and see what groups might be good for you.

It's not easy, but you can do it. Do you feel good about your distress tolerance skills? If not, you could schedule yourself to spend some time on DBT each day - this is a good resource: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/