Adrienne12
Silver Member
I have been with my boyfriend for the past five years. He has stuck by me through the panic attacks, the nightmares and mood swings. When we first met, I was a complete wreck. I was using every drug imaginable. He was drinking heavily at the time too. It was like a "tornado meets a volcano."
One night after both of us partying too much...we had a huge fight. He choked me and beat me up. This was the first and last time he laid his hands on me. That night....I packed my stuff and went home to my parents. He came to my parent's house with a loaded gun. (I did not know he had the gun) My parent's saw what he did to me and called the police as soon as he showed up.
He resisted arrest and they had him on the ground. That is when they found the gun. He was suspended from his job for 18 months. I had a restraining order on him and we did not speak for 6 months.
In that 6 months, I missed him more than anything. I didn't know what happened or how things got as far as they did. I cleaned myself up. No more drugs. He ended up in rehab. He was sober the entire 6 months. We started talking again. He apologized numerous times and we gave it another shot.
I was scared to try again because I didn't trust him. I thought people like him are incapable of change. However, he proved me wrong. He stayed sober for the next three years. He supported me and stuck by me. He became my best friend. It gave me hope that he was a changed person.
We having been spending a lot of time apart lately. I know this has been hard on him. He has told me that he misses me being there all the time etc. I have kept my distance because the PTSD had gotten worse. I tend to isolate. When I would spend time with him......I wouldn't pay much attention to him. I would sit there in my own world. I know how hard it must be for him to understand. I also realize PTSD lasts a lot longer than everyone's patience. He knew I wasn't right in the head when he met me and I refused to discuss with him what happened in detail as I felt it would only anger him. I didn't want him to feel helpless like I did. Nor did I want him to see me how I saw myself at the time which was disgusting.
Now that I rambled (I just figured the backstory was necessary).....Tonight he drank. Not just a few drinks. He calls me completely shit faced telling me he needs me and to come get him etc. It brought me back to the times we were both using too much. I feel nothing but anger for him. Even though I know how hard this has been for him. It doesn't give him an excuse to drink. He promised me he wouldn't ever touch it again. I refuse to pick him up from where he is because I know what an angry drunk he can be. This is also a threat to my own sobriety which I have worked very hard at maintaining.
I am wondering if I should give him a get out of jail free card because of the stress my illness has caused him?? Maybe he needed a night to just party? Or am I making excuses because I love him? Maybe me being sick is too much for him to take and we aren't right for each other.
One night after both of us partying too much...we had a huge fight. He choked me and beat me up. This was the first and last time he laid his hands on me. That night....I packed my stuff and went home to my parents. He came to my parent's house with a loaded gun. (I did not know he had the gun) My parent's saw what he did to me and called the police as soon as he showed up.
He resisted arrest and they had him on the ground. That is when they found the gun. He was suspended from his job for 18 months. I had a restraining order on him and we did not speak for 6 months.
In that 6 months, I missed him more than anything. I didn't know what happened or how things got as far as they did. I cleaned myself up. No more drugs. He ended up in rehab. He was sober the entire 6 months. We started talking again. He apologized numerous times and we gave it another shot.
I was scared to try again because I didn't trust him. I thought people like him are incapable of change. However, he proved me wrong. He stayed sober for the next three years. He supported me and stuck by me. He became my best friend. It gave me hope that he was a changed person.
We having been spending a lot of time apart lately. I know this has been hard on him. He has told me that he misses me being there all the time etc. I have kept my distance because the PTSD had gotten worse. I tend to isolate. When I would spend time with him......I wouldn't pay much attention to him. I would sit there in my own world. I know how hard it must be for him to understand. I also realize PTSD lasts a lot longer than everyone's patience. He knew I wasn't right in the head when he met me and I refused to discuss with him what happened in detail as I felt it would only anger him. I didn't want him to feel helpless like I did. Nor did I want him to see me how I saw myself at the time which was disgusting.
Now that I rambled (I just figured the backstory was necessary).....Tonight he drank. Not just a few drinks. He calls me completely shit faced telling me he needs me and to come get him etc. It brought me back to the times we were both using too much. I feel nothing but anger for him. Even though I know how hard this has been for him. It doesn't give him an excuse to drink. He promised me he wouldn't ever touch it again. I refuse to pick him up from where he is because I know what an angry drunk he can be. This is also a threat to my own sobriety which I have worked very hard at maintaining.
I am wondering if I should give him a get out of jail free card because of the stress my illness has caused him?? Maybe he needed a night to just party? Or am I making excuses because I love him? Maybe me being sick is too much for him to take and we aren't right for each other.
