Relationship advice

[alt]

So, I struggle with anger issues after the PTSD. My diagnosis is PTSD with dissociation or c-PTSD depending on the therapist. I have my PTSD after dating a psychopath who suddenly turned from what I thought was the love of my life into what looked more like the horror of my life, and endured months of threats, fear and abuse before I finally got so ill I couldn't see my face in the mirror.

As I was on the worst, I met a new man, and he has anxiety issues. When he gets triggered, he'll say things like "you are manipulating me" or "you are gaslighting me" or "you are crazy". These were words the psycho date used to confuse me back in the day, so I get very triggered. For the record, I am not manipulative, nor gaslighting, nor crazy. These are things he fear and he refuses to hear how I really think and feel and never wants to give me what I say I need in those situations.

When he's not triggered, he is the sweetest man, but the problem is, his trigger reaction - calling me crazy, etc, triggers me in turn, and I turn into a screaming tiger feeling like I fight for my life.

Yes, I totally lose myself in a battle that seems like the battles I had with the psychopath 4 years ago.

Help? Please help.

I don't know how to heal this. I really don't want to lose this man, but at times I feel like I cannot handle his reactions. I just wish he'd not discuss with me when I'm having that cornered tiger feel.

Anyone?

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

I feel for you both. Is he in therapy as well? Have you tried going to a therapist together? I think that may help you both find a safe way to communicate with each other about what is going on in your relationship. I hope a good therapist may be able to help you both come up with ways to let each other know when you are triggered and to just stop or pause or something to not trigger each other any further.

Otherwise, the only other thing I can think of at the moment is to sit down and talk with him when you both have time and are open to talking about inadvertently triggering each other. Maybe together you can come up with a solution that will help both of you. It could be something as "simple" as leaving the room or going for a walk by yourself and then talking about what happened later on. *hugs* I wish you luck and hope you are able to resolve it.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Personally, I don't think either of you are ready to be in a relationship as things stand right now. UNLESS you are BOTH seeing a therapist to work through these issues and how to talk to each other without causing each other to get triggered.

 

[alt]

@I_Am_Titanium thank you so much for your loving answer!
Only I am in therapy at this point.

@She Cat, you may be right, and we have waited for quite a while already. We ended our relationship in 2015 due to the problems explained above, and then we tried again for a brief period in 2016 before we ended it again in October 2016 - again due to the trigger issues. We are currently not a couple, and haven't been for 9 months, but we have started talking again, and we are discussing the possibility of trying a relationship again soon. We both fear the triggering situations though, and that is the reason I asked for help here. I guess I should have explained the situations better.

Thank you so much for your answer. I hope you are wrong, but so far you have been right, and I would recommend to anyone experiencing these kind of issues to at the very least take a break in relating, as it is very tough to be scared of a partner. On a positive note, exposure makes stronger, as long as the triggers are kept at bay, for example the way I Am Titanium suggests.