I wanted to see if anyone could give me any insight into this. I met my now ex 10 years ago after he had just joined the army. We stayed in touch throughout the years and were friends but there was always an attraction there for both of us. He was in the army for 11 years, 3 times in combat (the last time was last year) and decided to take a job in Afghan as private security. While there, we talked all the time and fell for each other. We spent as much times as possible talking and learning about each other and he told me things he usually doesn't tell a lot of people. In short, he let me in.
We had plans to be together when he got home, but when he did he just shut down. It's like I didn't know him at all. He went from telling me he loved me constantly to hardly even being able to hold a conversation. He said he felt detached and numb, like he was supposed to be doing something. He went home a few days later asking for space for awhile to figure some things out.
My question is now its been over a month and he still seems the same. He can't talk about emotions or feelings when that's all he wanted to do in afghan. I don't even see my friend inside him anymore. He told me this week that afghan wasn't real,and it wasn't love. Last week he told me that he can't love anyone right now, and he doesn't have those feelings for me. He's acknowledged that he broke my heart but it doesn't seem to bother him.
He says he doesn't know what happened when he got home. That he wants space to figure it out and talk to someone. He told me that I don't know him or what he's been through ( granted after being angry cause i didn't give him space) Which makes no sense cause I've known him as my friend for years and we were so close just a month prior. He also said that I don't know what it was like in afghan.... Which also is weird cause no I wasn't there but I knew everything that was happening cause he told me everything. I asked him if he ever reads the tuff we wrote when there or thinks about it he just says he has too much to fix in his head, and doesn't think about it. He still says it wasn't real, that I don't know what it's like over there.
So pretty confused because its like he remembers nothing, or is he choosing to? He said that he may have a fear of commitment and that he's not gonna be with someone that's wrong for him since he's been divorced before ( he's only 29) when right before he got here he was telling me how perfect we were for each other and that we were finally gonna be happy.
I would be perfectly willing to accept that this was a normal failed relationship, but things just seem off. Even if things didn't work, he would still be able to be normal with me as my friend right? or at least say what happened. its like its physically difficult for him to talk about anything at all - he has just been shut down and i cant through. he's not even nice to me when weeks ago he would never imagine saying a harsh word to me. He just wants to be left alone. Which I am doing. Only says he needs space and time to think..... tells me to ha have patience but I don't know why for cause he won't communicate with me at all. I wanted some insight if possible.....Does anything seem weird about this? Has this happened to anyone?
We had plans to be together when he got home, but when he did he just shut down. It's like I didn't know him at all. He went from telling me he loved me constantly to hardly even being able to hold a conversation. He said he felt detached and numb, like he was supposed to be doing something. He went home a few days later asking for space for awhile to figure some things out.
My question is now its been over a month and he still seems the same. He can't talk about emotions or feelings when that's all he wanted to do in afghan. I don't even see my friend inside him anymore. He told me this week that afghan wasn't real,and it wasn't love. Last week he told me that he can't love anyone right now, and he doesn't have those feelings for me. He's acknowledged that he broke my heart but it doesn't seem to bother him.
He says he doesn't know what happened when he got home. That he wants space to figure it out and talk to someone. He told me that I don't know him or what he's been through ( granted after being angry cause i didn't give him space) Which makes no sense cause I've known him as my friend for years and we were so close just a month prior. He also said that I don't know what it was like in afghan.... Which also is weird cause no I wasn't there but I knew everything that was happening cause he told me everything. I asked him if he ever reads the tuff we wrote when there or thinks about it he just says he has too much to fix in his head, and doesn't think about it. He still says it wasn't real, that I don't know what it's like over there.
So pretty confused because its like he remembers nothing, or is he choosing to? He said that he may have a fear of commitment and that he's not gonna be with someone that's wrong for him since he's been divorced before ( he's only 29) when right before he got here he was telling me how perfect we were for each other and that we were finally gonna be happy.
I would be perfectly willing to accept that this was a normal failed relationship, but things just seem off. Even if things didn't work, he would still be able to be normal with me as my friend right? or at least say what happened. its like its physically difficult for him to talk about anything at all - he has just been shut down and i cant through. he's not even nice to me when weeks ago he would never imagine saying a harsh word to me. He just wants to be left alone. Which I am doing. Only says he needs space and time to think..... tells me to ha have patience but I don't know why for cause he won't communicate with me at all. I wanted some insight if possible.....Does anything seem weird about this? Has this happened to anyone?
