Relationship with family

[BlueWeepingRose]

At the moment I feel a strain with my family, as if something is missing. I'm trying to work on my healing now which is a good thing. I'm not in a relationship with anyone, cause I know my health should always come first. However when it comes to my family, I just feel as if something is missing. My mother isn't very supportive, my father is clueless and my younger brother refuses to talk to me. It makes me feel isolated and alone. :( It's very hard for me to talk to them sometimes about anything.

I can't bring up what I've been through, so I have to act like I'm happy and nothing is wrong with me. So I usually put on a happy smile around them and smile. Underneath, I'm suffering and I'm suffering in silence due to me not being able to talk about it. Anytime anyone is around, this is what I do cause my mother was never supportive of me. I'm not allowed to express my feelings around her. She doesn't want to be bothered with it. This is what hurts me the most. I wish I had a mother who truly understood where I was coming from, yet she won't let me talk to her. So it makes it difficult for me sometimes. So I usually just end pretending I'm okay, because I've been asked to not speak about my feelings for so long. Anytime I do, she says she's stressed and can't deal with it. So I stopped going to her.

The only thing that makes me feel at peace is music. Music is everything to me, I think I'd sink down lower if it wasn't for music to be honest. I got into shoegaze and dream pop music back in 2007. I listened to music when I could when I was with my abusive ex and it gave me relief. This music is pretty much my lifesaver. It's gotten me through so many tough times and days where I was crying alone or thought I had nobody to turn too. I've felt alone most of my life because I was never allowed to express my feelings or told that I'm sensitive. My younger brother still continues to not talk to me and I have no idea why. I don't hate him though, I still love him. He's my younger brother. The same goes for my father too, I love him too, I guess he simply doesn't know what to say. Maybe my mother doesn't know how to be here for me either. This is why I feel alone a lot of the time and I simply needed to get this off of my chest.

 

[MyWillow]

A little overwhelmed at the moment but yeah I’ve been doing some serious grieving about my mum lately. She’s really passive and enabling and never there when I need her. I’m having to learn that things ain’t gonna change. It hurts. I’m sorry. But the grieving is important.

 

[Lilminks2]

I dealt with my dysfunctional family that never supporting me. I could never talk with my borderline mother because she had her own incest issues with her father. Both if my brothers were sexually molested too at very young ages, 3 and 5, so neither of them have been able to deal with life. When they all turned on me in 2007 I for some unknown reason out up with it until last year. They triggered my ptsd for the 4th and final time. I almost died of malnutrition due to the extreme anxiety. I finally left the state and have not talked to any of them and I do not ever plan to do so. I have been healing fairly well being away from them but I still am hurt that I had to give up my whole family in order to heal. I can not help them, but I can help myself. I could not expect for them to care about me when none of them cared about themselves enough to seek treatment for their mental health issues. I meditate when those lonely isolated feelings arise and it helps. When your family is not there for you stop trying. Perhaps they can't. It seems to be hurting you more with every attempt. Find outside sources such as support groups, counseling, friends, etc.

 

[Abstract]

Its very hard when the people who should be a safe place if support and comfort aren't capable of providing it. Personally I found it helpful to understand that and accept it rather than reinjuring myself by trying to get something from someone unsafe. Is there anyone else who can be a support to you? Any family or friends? Music sounds like an excellent idea too.