Remind me again how to disassociate ?

[Pixi23]

I got triggered. Feeling very very sad and alone. Just went through a breakup with my best friend.
Therapists freak me out because I've been to a 72 hour lockdown so I never tell anyone how I really feel.
I live at home with my parents...the sources of my ptsd. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child. I have RA so I can't work enough to move out.
Please someone help.

I'm having a terribly hard time. How does one get through PTSD after going back to their trauma site ? I had to move back after I lost a job and been here for four months. It is killing me. How do I disassociate so I can do that instead of feel this sadness ?

 

[RussH]

A couple of things: One focus on the moment and not the entire day. I can just get through this minute, then the next one will not be so bad.

Here is another suggestion, and this is one I want you to consider with great care, and do not do it lightly: I, like you, cannot, or will not trust the people who know me for fear of losing their friendship, or their respect. I cannot tell my therapist everything for the same reason, but I needed to talk to someone.

I found a person, a stranger, that also dispairately (Sp) needed someone to talk to, and we agreed that we would listen to one another's darkest, deepest secrets without judgement, and we would accept one another regardless of our past, and we would be friends and confidents.

It has worked wonders for me. I finally have someone I can talk to about anything, and be accepted for who I am.

I do not generally recommend this drastic of a step for anyone. It was something I truly needed, and for me it has worked.
It is something for you to think about.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Please someone help.

That line pulls at my heart. I wish I could help you more than this. Instead, I will tell you that you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed by sadness and loneliness.

Also, I am really "good" as dissociating. I do it all the time. I don't mean to most of the time. I just do it. But sometimes, when I really want to get away from reality, I stare at one spot. If I am in my therapist's office, I stare at a tiny screw at the bottom of the door. It works every time and I have to be careful not to look at it when I don't want to dissociate. Staring at an object does not always work, but is always something really small if it does work. I am not sure dissociating helps in the long run, but in the moment it does.

One minute, one breath at a time.

 

[RussH]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve I agree, although I do not dissociate, that it may be good for the moment, but I am not sure how good it is for you in the long term.
I am looking forward to seeing your post tonight.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so sorry for the pain you are in. If you numb out, the pain is likely to flood more later on. It's how it tends to work. Yet I can so understand that desire to just not feel anything because the pain is so great.

Things can get better. You have already taken a good and brave step to reach out here. Keep reaching out. There are safer people and places who understand and can help. Hugs if you accept them.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Pixi23 you can tell us how you really feel. You are safe here, we will support you to the best of our ability. We are not, however, therapists or psychiatrists.

PTSD is a challenge to live with, but to still be living with your abusers must double that challenge. You can and will survive this speed bump. When you left the impatient facility what supports did they provide you with after discharge? Do you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist? If not, why not?

Is your arthritis being treated? If not, why not? If you can improve your emotional functions, then you can work with your states Vocational Rehabilitation Office. They will help you find support and make a plan to get you employed with accommodations for your RA. If they send you to school to learn a trade, they will help you with transportation. If it is determined that you can't afford rent, they will help you get into subsidized housing. In these properties you pay a third of your monthly income to cover rent, heat, water. If you need a computer for school they will get you one.

To determine if you qualify for their services, they will ask for documentation from your doctors to establish your disability. Don't be afraid of them reading your records. The more things you have wrong with you, the higher on the waiting list you go.

OK you want to dissociate to be able to cope with living with your abusers. That is your choice, however, dissociation inteferes with life. It will not be a good long term coping mechanism.

Make a plan to escape. Under the circumstances, I believe that my suggestion is the way to go. People with PTSD need guidance and support. Voc Rehab is the ticket out of your house of horrors.

Spend your time learning about RA and treatment options for it. Read about PTSD. It's naive to wish your abusers will change. They won't . Take action or you'll be stuck there. Believe me you do have options.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Eh, I know how to dissociate when I want to, but I would never suggest it to a population who has dissociation issues. I think this crosses the line between helpful and hurtful. Just my opinion. There are good coping skills and bad coping skills. I think dissociation is a bad coping skill. (If it wasn't, then nobody would have issues with it, know what I mean?)

 

[KwanYingirl]

PS the best revenge is success.

 

[Mystery]

Hi Pixi23, at my worst times of being trapped, either in a psych ward or in a relationship I coped by having a plan. When I don't have a plan, I just get stuck in the endless pain with no way out. That lead to suicidal ideation, which is not the best plan. I look back on those times I felt suicidal and think how glad I am that I didn't do that, because life had so much more in store for me that I just couldn't see at that time.

You need a plan. No matter how long it takes, you just need to take one step at a time and focus on the one in front of you. The plan keeps you occupied and taking action towards it gives you something to pat yourself on the back for. This builds your confidence and your success snowballs from there. You have taken the first step in reaching out for help and support, this forum is a wealth of that. The plan keeps you feeling that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that kind of hope will drive you to do the hard thing and suffer the things you have to in order to get where you want.

There is a famous bestselling book called Man's Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. He was a Jewish psychiatrist who was captured and placed in a concentration camp during the second great world tribulation. He observed that what made people cope with the conditions in the camps, was the hope they had that they would survive for a reason. They all had a plan, sometimes every day, just to get through that day but the thing that kept them going was either to find their loved ones when they got out or for the people who had lost everyone, it was to tell their story for the world to know the truth.

He observed that people could bear outrageous things when they had their minds firmly set on their objectives and he came out of the camp at the end and started a form of therapy based on people's need to find meaning in their experiences, no matter how bad they were. It's not a long book, its a short paperback. I hope I don't get in trouble for suggesting it to you but the fact that it is a world wide bestseller and he was a psychiatrist, I hope would qualify it to rate a mention.

Read good self help books, exercise, write your story in the trauma diaries, look after your health, volunteer somewhere non triggering with people who are less fortunate than you, take on a project that doesn't exacerbate your arthritis, join a psychosocial rehab program. These are just some of the things I can think of to remove yourself from the triggering situation and are only suggestions, I'm sure that you may even think of more that are better suited to you. Best wishes to you.

 

[Pixi23]

The support is amazingly overwhelming.
Thank you all for your support and caring advice.
You all helped save a life...just saying.

 

[Pixi23]

I am approved by a vocational center but they cannot help with housing. I changed my work schedule so I be at the house more when he is not here. I do need to read that book...sounds amazing. That post was written very well.

I went to two homeless shelters to avoid coming back here.
It was my last option. I thought id have no hope..especially after I lost one of my biggest supporters. But now I can see some hope. Thank you all. This means so much...I keep reading them over and over and feeling comfort.

 

[Mystery]

Thankyou Pixi23, I'm so glad that you reached out, I hope you keep letting us know how you are going.:D