Reminded

[circe47]

I'm not sure if this is in the right spot, so please feel free to move it if needed. My brother was talking about our time in elementary school yesterday. He said that he remembered an incident that I have obviously dissociated or don't remember as it was decades ago.

My brother was telling us about this older girl at our private school that said something mean to me and our little sister. Apparently this girl looked at us sisters and said "you two are strange." This doesn't seem all that bad now, but I lived with worse than that every single day by being verbally tormented and physically attacked by my classmates. Coming from a highly dysfunctional home, we probably did seem a little bit "off" compared to the rich kids we attended school with.

For those who don't know- I was bullied relentlessly at this school. My brother saw my abuse and defended me on many occasions- even so far as to take a beating by the older brother of a kid that he beat up for smashing me in the knees with his steel lunch box. I don't remember much, other than extreme stuff like the physical abuse. I have dissociated a lot of content for various reasons- not just the bullying by peers.

Anyway, out of curiosity, I looked this girl up online. I found an obituary. I did a little more research and discovered she died from complications from cancer in 2010. I feel so many different things- but mostly anger, sadness and a strong desire to tarnish her name. It's like how DARE she go and die and all these people say how wonderful she was, how much they miss her, that she was a kindred spirit that took in stray animals. I am angry that she got to be popular and a cheerleader while I was tormented and made to feel like an outcast- by HER and people like HER. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh..................I am sooooooooo Pissed!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, BUT, at the end of the day, she's still dead. Of course people come out of the woodwork to say how "wonderful" someone was during life after they have died. It's just the nature of things.

I know people think I'm nuts when I say this (I don't say it often, at all) but I'll say it anyway. The guy who bullied me and was such an arse to me in school died on my birthday of all days. It was a freak accident sort of thing; a painful way to die. I'm not saying God is vengeful, but maybe there is a thing called karma. (He died quite young). It was sickening to see everyone praise him on his Facebook memorial page. Yep, he was popular, too, and because he was popular he could get away with all kinds of crap. I'm not saying I'm happy he's dead, because I'm not. Rather, I just think that perhaps ultimately life has a way of biting you in the arse after being so selfish and cruel. And even if it was a freak occurrence; there is no karma, I just remember that he is dead while I am still alive. At least he can't spread his poison to anyone else!

Ugh, I'm anxious just writing this; remembering how angry he used to make me! Now I remember why I had those horrible dreams/nightmares while I was in school.

In grad school I confessed to a friend that I understood what made the Columbine shooters snap back. She replied that she felt the same; and while it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone, I was sad to know that my friend experienced something similar to me.

And I wonder if the anti-bullying campaigns of recent are making an impact? Are they changing the rules so kids feel safer? In my day, it was "sticks and stones..." There was a girl who would verbally torment me. I got so fed up that I would push her (actually physically push her). Funny, the school wouldn't help me with the verbal assaults, but when she went crying to the staff about me, I was the horrible one. (I never got physical with people in school; it was the only way I saw to stop the tormenting!)

 

[Hope4future]

I'm a middle school teacher and at my school the students got fed up with the bullying they saw in the hallways and started their own campaign to raise awareness and change the culture. As a staff, we support it 100%. It has made a huge difference. It's not perfect, but kids protecting and standing up for kids and trusting adults to protect them as well is a strong and hopeful step.

Unfortunately, the cruelty does continue and we have to be vigilant and unwavering in our support of kids who are "different" whatever that means.

 

[Hashi]

I wasn't bullied at school like you circe, but I was given a very hard time from one girl who I later saw mentioned in a book I was reading. The book was about a very worthwhile and massively supported human rights cause, and I discovered that she was now a lawyer and had given lots of her time and expertise to this cause, to the extent that it would have collapsed without her. There was a picture of her in the cause's office, and I was stunned to see that familiar face that I hated so deeply, in such a positive context.

For me, this tied in to a book I read that explained we all have a shadow side, and often we work hard to present the opposite to the world because of our shame about the shadow. I'm wondering if the cruelty to you/kindness to animals was a similar thing.

At any rate, I have sympathy for seeing someone presented positively when our personal experience was very different.

 

[circe47]

Thanks for the support. I forgot to add that I don't like feeling vengeful. I am actually a very forgiving person- just ask my ex who did some truly horrible things to me.

I don't know why this bothered me so much. I don't really wish vengeance on any of my tormentors- but seeing this girl's face just struck me with the old knee-jerk response of intense hurt and anger.

 

[Hashi]

Well, personally I think there's a time for forgiveness and a time for righteous anger. I don't see anything negative about recognising and validating our feelings. I see forgiveness as a later step, not something to jump straight to. It doesn't mean we have to suppress our hurt, just the opposite. I think it's by allowing the initial feelings that we can truly let go of them afterwards, through forgiveness.