Responses To Your Therapist That You Will Probably Never Say

[sun seeker]

Probably deserving of its own thread?

I toyed with that idea. It's just that last time I posted while I was sorting out this need to be heard, I got several responses scolding me for having that need (not all, but some). I thought the people who've been posting on this thread probably already recognize that need. But yes, I could do that.

 

[sun seeker]

My therapist tells me about problematic events in her own life and then tells me how she solved them. These things help me to see how her solution would work in my life, if I were to try it.

Okay. So possibly my therapist doesn't realize how unhelpful it is to me for her to do that, because it actually is helpful to some people.

Sorry for diverting the thread.

 

[digger]

I thought the people who've been posting on this thread probably already recognize that need.

For me, to be heard is definitely part of what I need from therapy, and I think my therapist would agree with the importance of that. In fact there have been several times, when I'm in mute mode mostly, that she reminds me of the value of just sharing space with someone who has at least some knowledge and idea of what I've been through as I don't really have, and haven't had, that elsewhere in my life. For the most part my experiences have been minimised, distorted, or denied by others.

 

[sun seeker]

For the most part my experiences have been minimised, distorted, or denied by others.

Yeah, me too. That's how it becomes almost a biological need to be heard. And why it's so off-putting when I've been working so hard at expressing myself and then am told something that makes me realize how far I still have to go. Maybe having the courage to keep trying again and again is part of what's therapeutic, I don't know.

 

[Nighthawk]

M: Your trying to make me numb to things that burn in my core. You expect me to be okay with things that effect me to the other end of the spectrum.

Oh how I waant to say this.

 

[zaniara]

I need you to stop needing me to be able to identify what I f*cking need from you.

Oh, that dreaded question!! How I hated it! But he never stopped asking it.. I don't know if I ever have been able to answer it for real, he sometimes helped me to answer it. He keeps on nagging about it now too.. (But I don't get angry or upset anymore, but sometimes I find him extremely annoying. :D ) "You need to be held. For a long time. By someone who doesn't go anywhere, but stay with you." Not sure why he keeps on saying that, since I don't have that 'somebody' in my life, even if I thought he was right. They really have their ways.. I think they learn that stuff in school.. I wonder how it sounds when two therapist talks!! :D

T1: "What do you need from me?"
T2: "I need you to tell me what you need from me."
T1: "Well I need you to tell me what you need me to need from you."

Or what??

 

[zaniara]

The question is, do you think it's possible for a therapist to really understand the hell many of us experience?

Yes. If they are highly empathetic. (A lot of them have actually gone through bad stuff themselves. But they're not allowed to talk about it.

Is it possible for them to have that mixture of imagination, compassion, and good boundaries to really get how bad it is and not take it on as their own? Have you experienced this?

Yes. Mine had/have(we're about to end therapy) all of that. Am really grateful and a lucky one. But then again I've had a lot of therapists who really didn't help much at all, rather made things worse. So it took some time to strike gold..

 

[holdenmonty]

The thing I hate the most about my therapist is when I tell her something that happened and she busts out laughing. I either want to do two things... slap her or get up and leave and slam the door behind me.

 

[sun seeker]

Yes. Mine had/have(we're about to end therapy) all of that.

Thanks, I'm glad to know that. It would be such a relief.

 

[sun seeker]

The thing I hate the most about my therapist is when I tell her something that happened and she busts out laughing.

Good grief. I think I'd walk out. Have you told her how this affects you?

 

[holdenmonty]

Not yet I use to get offended but now I just look at her and then she stops. It's like she can see it in my eyes that I find it annoying and stops.

 

[Spiderallis]

It was probably not a good idea to expand on how re-enacting the 'goodbye horses' scene from Silence of the Lambs is great for your self esteem during group therapy... oops? Sorry about that.