Hello to all. I stumbled across this forum today as I had been reading a lot about trauma as it had weighed heavily in my life from a drunken father who was rageful and not allowed to live with my mother and sister but still he persisted in coming around to our house nightly (it feels) to torment us, beat on windows, doors, cut the screens to try to get in, etc. My mother had to keep an order from the law that supposedly would keep him away but it was worthless in his opinion.
I was terrified as a child, carved a Cross on my headboard so that if he killed me, I was hoping I'd go to Heaven. He threw my mother out of a car by opening her door as they were riding down some road. He tried to rob her place of work as he knew she did payroll back then. Our rest truthfully came whenever he was in prison. (Federal for stealing cars and taking them across state lines). Only then were we assured some Peace for a a while.
I came to live with some trauma as if it were ordinary occurrence in my life. I denied its significance in the fears and hypervigilance I felt. And, I also married a man later in life (my only marriage) who had serious issues with narcissism, a gambler,, mean-spirited, and with no empathy. Two kids and 30 years later, I got a divorce after he beat me up in a closet because he found out I was seeing a lawyer that day.
My present day issue is my daughter who is in her 30's and seems to have some character issues similar to her father's. Sadly, her own 2 small children, of whom I love and never refused her requests to babysit, etc. are being denied to visit me now because of my discovery of something my daughter did and confronted her about. Her response was to dial me up and say I would not be in her circle anymore (as if she was firing one of her employees). It feels cruel to not have contact in a year now, I truly miss my grandkids, but it feels like a repeat of what I experienced with my father, then husband, (now Ex-H). So painful to have no contact with kids. It's been 10 years since my divorce and I only became happy when I declared no contact as abusive people like my exH disregard boundaries and call and stalk and deny they ever caused you one bit of trouble. But this is the nature of narcissism and overlooking others' right to live in peace.
Just nice to see this forum and vent a little. I've been an RN for 46 years now, old! but not in despair anymore nor danger. The sadness comes and goes as would be expected. It's been a gift to recognize we cannot control nor change anyone. Best left to God to decide on that one! Thank you.
I was terrified as a child, carved a Cross on my headboard so that if he killed me, I was hoping I'd go to Heaven. He threw my mother out of a car by opening her door as they were riding down some road. He tried to rob her place of work as he knew she did payroll back then. Our rest truthfully came whenever he was in prison. (Federal for stealing cars and taking them across state lines). Only then were we assured some Peace for a a while.
I came to live with some trauma as if it were ordinary occurrence in my life. I denied its significance in the fears and hypervigilance I felt. And, I also married a man later in life (my only marriage) who had serious issues with narcissism, a gambler,, mean-spirited, and with no empathy. Two kids and 30 years later, I got a divorce after he beat me up in a closet because he found out I was seeing a lawyer that day.
My present day issue is my daughter who is in her 30's and seems to have some character issues similar to her father's. Sadly, her own 2 small children, of whom I love and never refused her requests to babysit, etc. are being denied to visit me now because of my discovery of something my daughter did and confronted her about. Her response was to dial me up and say I would not be in her circle anymore (as if she was firing one of her employees). It feels cruel to not have contact in a year now, I truly miss my grandkids, but it feels like a repeat of what I experienced with my father, then husband, (now Ex-H). So painful to have no contact with kids. It's been 10 years since my divorce and I only became happy when I declared no contact as abusive people like my exH disregard boundaries and call and stalk and deny they ever caused you one bit of trouble. But this is the nature of narcissism and overlooking others' right to live in peace.
Just nice to see this forum and vent a little. I've been an RN for 46 years now, old! but not in despair anymore nor danger. The sadness comes and goes as would be expected. It's been a gift to recognize we cannot control nor change anyone. Best left to God to decide on that one! Thank you.
Last edited by a moderator:
