Roommate

[Casey_03]

So some of you may remember me posting a few months back about my roommate bringing strangers over when I was heavily pregnant. That made me uncomfortable, but after I talked to him he stopped, and since he was only planning on staying two more months after that, I let him stay. He had a couple friends stay over after that but they were longtime friends who had flown in to see him, and he agreed it with me in advance. But now he has brought some random hostel person over. He gave me a few hours warning and said, "A French guy from the hostel is going to stay here for a few nights." I asked why and if he knew the guy; he said it was some French guy who lost his wallet and passport, etc, and needed a place to stay. I said it'd be fine if he stayed out of my way and it was only for two nights. Well, the guy has stayed out of my way and not made any noise, but now my roommate has left him here and gone off to work. So there is a complete stranger, some random hostel man, hanging out in my flat while I am here with a two-month old baby. I am being rational by thinking I should throw my roommate out now for good, right? I mean, that's not an overly dramatic reaction, is it? I am the leaseholder here, and I'm pretty sure the other room is being rented out to my roommate, not random hostel people. And it's starting to feel like he thinks my flat is a hostel.

 

[Riot]

Uhh, not unreasonable at all. It's your place? Give him the boot if he can't respect that, which it doesn't sound like he has been.

 

[Casey_03]

So now, I had to run to the ATM that is attached to the building I live in. It's literally like three steps away, but I have to go downstairs and outside to access it. I needed to go but wasn't okay leaving a random person in my flat while I went out, so I knocked on his door and told him I was going out and he'd have to go out with me for a few minutes because I wasn't comfortable leaving him in my flat where my baby was sleeping. He proceeded to make smart ass remarks, like "oh, i'm sorry i don't have my credentials to show you i'm not a baby abuser." I tried to be polite and explain that it was normal for me to not trust a stranger. I said, "Well, I don't know you, this is the first time I'm seeing you, so surely you can understand why I'd be reluctant to leave you in my flat with my baby." THEN he responded with, "i am surprised you don't realize it is dangerous to leave your baby like that when you run to the ATM. You should just send me to run your errand. If you are such a cautious mother, you wouldn't leave your baby like that." ??!?!?! I threw him out and threatened to call the police. Am I out of line here?! For one, I'm not abandoning my baby, I'm walking about 15 steps to the side of the building while he is asleep in his crib. Two, this guy was staying in MY flat as a courtesy, and he's getting snarky with me about my abilities as a mother, all because I (understandably) asked him to wait outside so he's not left alone with the baby.

 

[Casey_03]

Now I'm sitting here crying and feeling bad, like I overreacted and created drama. I didn't, did I? If the guy had just said, "Sure, no problem, I completely understand," he could've waited outside for five minutes, come back in, and he'd still have a place to stay.

 

[Riot]

Again, not unreasonable at all. f*ck him. Seriously.

 

[Casey_03]

I nicely told him, "Any parent with a newborn baby would react the same way and not want to leave their baby with a stranger." He said, "I have a baby and I would leave her with someone if it was a friend of a friend." Why did he have to aggravate the situation?!?! I was nice and polite; my request was understandable. And he just gave me shit for no reason.

 

[Riot]

Exactly, so screw him. You did the right thing.

 

[Casey_03]

Now I'm not clear on whether this guy was a friend of my roommate and someone visiting him, or a random person. From what he described to me, it was some random hostel guest. He said, "A French guy from the hostel who had all his stuff stolen." He never described the guy as a friend. But now I'm having all these doubts and thinking, "Oh no, what if I just threw out some close friend who was in town to visit him?" Part of me knows I did the right thing but the other part feels genuinely guilty now

 

[GrayOwl]

Totally within your right.
And I might have the room mates belongings out on the curb when he got back from work - and the locks changed.
People need to respect your home and motherhood. You have a right to safety and security in your own home.
Make sure too that you have escape routes planned for your own safety and backup like police family or friend in case someone gets unreasonable.
If you have agreements with the roommate you may need to respect those in some way - but neither of them is respecting you or showing any consideration.
Sorry for your distress.

 

[GrayOwl]

Sounds like they're both big boys. When they learn a little respect maybe they can come back inside and have the privilege of a roof over their head and indoor plumbing.....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that you did the right and appropriate thing, screw guilt. You did nothing wrong and I would throw the roomate out as well. He crossed a line and had a jerk and a asshole in your home and gave you needless shit to harrass you and give you a hard time. Get rid of both of them.

I applaud you for throwing the guy out. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Being a mama bear is a good thing. You made the most common sense and wise choice.:hug:

 

[ms spock]

And I might have the room mates belongings out on the curb when he got back from work - and the locks changed.

Absolutely! I would do this!