General Same Old Thing - Hubby Going Backward Again

[Deleted member 93]

Maybe that is part of what is hitting him? Almost put you in financial ruin (I know this as doctors have us here) and guilt you have put it back together and need outside help and he cannot do it? I am just going off how I feel not being able to work. There just may be quite a bit of guilt brewing because you have done so well despite him being destructive...

 

[Jen]

Yes Veiled 12 months ago is part of our life that he chooses to forget he says he can not remember a lot of things he did at that time when he was in control ( we thought) of our finances we are just about caught up with a lot of debt that he did get us into! I control all our accounts now and yes I do feel there is some guilt there with him!

 

[jods]

Good point veiled. Financial stress is bad enough but throw in ptsd symptoms & hello, cup overflows yet again.
I think the whole not working thing & the loss of identity that goes with that may also be an issue.

 

[Nicolette]

As Anthony said once we live in a Military city there are probably heaps of triggers here I have mentioned to him a few times does he like it here and he does.

Hi Jen. I have read what Veiled and Jods said re finances which make sense but I wanted to focus on this point. Anthony has said to me that he cannot go back to Townsville (Military city) due to all the triggers let alone live there ever again. He said the best thing for him was getting out of there as the constant reminders of the military were too much for him to cope with. Anthony went back to Townswville for a PTSD course a year or so ago and said when he came back he was sick for a week.

I would like to see Townsville but now know I would have to go alone if I went.

Moving may not be an option but I think the military triggers would not be helping anything.

 

[Jen]

Thanks guys yes I think the finance problem will always be an issue with him he always worries about money?
Yes Nicolette even yesterday he was helping me lay some tiles and he was being really fussy and he said being in the Army made him be like that as in having perfect straight lines etc?
I said you are not in the Army any more so you dont have to be like that but as he said when it gets drummed into you all the time it becomes a part of you!

 

[jods]

Just a thought, (yes my brain is hurting from it today LOL)

If your hubby is still in the military zone with his way of thinking although it caused the trauma he is too afraid to leave the area despite having the triggers all around him. Sort of a better the devil you know situation.

 

[Jen]

Thats it Jods like we spoke of moving out of town I said give us a year or so to get the house up to scratch for sale but he was in to it like a bull at a gate painting and things then he burns himself out and thats where we are now he is not up to doing anything. Next time I will keep my thoughts to myself!
Maybe he is in a comfort zone by staying here?

 

[Kathy]

Moving in itself is a stress, perhaps too much of a stress for him? I know when Evie moved in with us it was quite the ordeal for her. Change can be very frightening, even if it's a good change.

 

[Jen]

As I sit here thinking this afternoon I think he would be most happy locked up in a house with his big TV it wouldnt matter where we live:rofl:

 

[Nicolette]

Glad you can laugh Jen :wink:

 

[jods]

Hope you've got foxtel then Jen:wink:

 

[Jen]

Oh yep its amazing how quick he can move when he has to get new batteries for the remote control:rolleyes: