Going through something I can’t really talk to anyone about and need to sort things out in my head.
My bf and I have been together for a year and half. He has severe ptsd, that was diagnosed a few years before we met. He had a relapse soon after we met but we stuck it out and are finally out on the other side.
About a month ago an incident occurred with another friend’s dog that I was pet sitting while I was on the phone with him. I knew he was completely freaked out just hearing it, he helped me through it but at the end of the call he said that he needed the evening to himself. I took the pup to emerg and I could feel myself spiralling. Had a friend there with me to help out. I tried reaching out to him but he just texted that needs to get to bed an shut me out (I know he shuts down a bit when things are overwhelming, it’s something we have been through in the past) but he gave no further explanation. That evening I sent an email to his therapist (I know it was a bad move on my part given everything going on) to check in on him the next day. I was worried that this event triggered his ptsd in some way and I didn’t know if he was going to reach out the following day. I was scared and just wanted him to be safe (as in not relapsing or experiencing any symptoms). The next day was normal. He let me know that his therapist reached out because of me.
In the following days he began to get upset about what I did. After a conversation with his therapist he said that he felt violated and that I had inserted myself in his safe space. He said that that evening his body began mimicking ptsd symptoms, which really tore me up. We had been carrying out ‘normally’ for a week or two after the incident, but I know it hung between us.
Close to a month ago he requested space to process it to see if he can get over it as requested/discussed with his therapist. After a couple of weeks of only text messages, we met up and then he began accusing me of being vengeful. I got really upset by this and began sobbing. He said he needed time. He’s still been a bit distant. He also mentioned that he feels like he might be experiencing some symptoms because of the time of the year. He still messages me every day. See me for a little bit once a week after work. I keep reassuring him that I love and that I’m proud of him and that I understand that he needs time and that I am truly sorry for what I did.
I guess I’m just feeling really sad. We generally just have a very good relationship and have struggled to build what we have through some very dark moments. And I feel that if he cannot move past it, this would be it for us and it breaks my heart I’ve hurt him in a way that I never intended to. I even told him that I want what’s best for him even if it means walking away.
I don’t know how or what to do to recover from this. Is there any advice on what I can do to give him back control and make him feel safe again? I’m scared that he sees me as a monster and doesn’t feel safe with me anymore.
My bf and I have been together for a year and half. He has severe ptsd, that was diagnosed a few years before we met. He had a relapse soon after we met but we stuck it out and are finally out on the other side.
About a month ago an incident occurred with another friend’s dog that I was pet sitting while I was on the phone with him. I knew he was completely freaked out just hearing it, he helped me through it but at the end of the call he said that he needed the evening to himself. I took the pup to emerg and I could feel myself spiralling. Had a friend there with me to help out. I tried reaching out to him but he just texted that needs to get to bed an shut me out (I know he shuts down a bit when things are overwhelming, it’s something we have been through in the past) but he gave no further explanation. That evening I sent an email to his therapist (I know it was a bad move on my part given everything going on) to check in on him the next day. I was worried that this event triggered his ptsd in some way and I didn’t know if he was going to reach out the following day. I was scared and just wanted him to be safe (as in not relapsing or experiencing any symptoms). The next day was normal. He let me know that his therapist reached out because of me.
In the following days he began to get upset about what I did. After a conversation with his therapist he said that he felt violated and that I had inserted myself in his safe space. He said that that evening his body began mimicking ptsd symptoms, which really tore me up. We had been carrying out ‘normally’ for a week or two after the incident, but I know it hung between us.
Close to a month ago he requested space to process it to see if he can get over it as requested/discussed with his therapist. After a couple of weeks of only text messages, we met up and then he began accusing me of being vengeful. I got really upset by this and began sobbing. He said he needed time. He’s still been a bit distant. He also mentioned that he feels like he might be experiencing some symptoms because of the time of the year. He still messages me every day. See me for a little bit once a week after work. I keep reassuring him that I love and that I’m proud of him and that I understand that he needs time and that I am truly sorry for what I did.
I guess I’m just feeling really sad. We generally just have a very good relationship and have struggled to build what we have through some very dark moments. And I feel that if he cannot move past it, this would be it for us and it breaks my heart I’ve hurt him in a way that I never intended to. I even told him that I want what’s best for him even if it means walking away.
I don’t know how or what to do to recover from this. Is there any advice on what I can do to give him back control and make him feel safe again? I’m scared that he sees me as a monster and doesn’t feel safe with me anymore.
