Sufferer Seeking Support And Guidance, I Suppose.

[Cadence]

Hello, Feeling alone.
Although I have attempted to explain to my partner how PTSD is for me, she still does some of the exact things that trigger the fear in me. I then blame myself for not explaining it correctly or adequately. Beat myself up. It's caused much strife especially with being intimate.

I don't know what to do.

Lying here next to the one I love, who has turned away, seemingly frustrated with me and my issues. I guess.

 

[Sally sue]

I feel your pain :( I haven't figured out how to help others understand, and I think sometimes it's because I don't really understand what happened to me either. I've lost several friends, and my partner tries to understand and be supportive, but sometimes he's the opposite of supportive. I think it may be the case that really what you need to focus on is helping yourself and trying to be compassionate with yourself...I'm really awe full at that, but I'm trying :)

Keep talking & trying, but know that you can't always help people see who are not ready or I'll equipped for the learning to take place, AND that is not your fault!!!

Sally sue

 

[Disposable]

You are not alone. It happens to all of us.

 

[joeylittle]

Some things just don't explain well; but that is not because you are bad at it, it's because they are too hard to put words to. Try and find some gentleness for yourself. It's hard. You are not alone.

 

[onesie]

I blame myself too. It is not easy to explain this condition. I can't even understand it. Just know that you aren't alone, and you can only take care of you. You're doing the best you can, like everyone else. ;)

 

[Seasounds]

From my own experience, other people have difficulty being respectful, no matter how well I explain my triggers.
That is when it is a sign, for me, to make/take distance.

It is a set of skills to realize what my triggers are, ask for respectful treatment (e.g. talk to me when you are angry, instead of yell, threaten, or shame), and to leave, when an environment is not conducive to my health. Hard, but true, and I do it in my own time-every situation is different.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

My significant other ..pushed, and pushed my triggers till I went loco, now he gets I need my me time, and he needs to respect my attempt at boundries.

I say attempt because I thought they were already boundries and now blame self too. I hope your scenario is better, but we are in therapy and both making progress. This was probably a year or more ago. We made it through somehow.

 

[Viosinger]

I'm working I. Being open with my boyfriend, and while I feel like I have to state the obvious when something bothers me or repeat things, I can tell that he's trying his best to be helpful & understanding. Often when I think I've upset him with my problems, or that he's reacting to what I've said, his mood has nothing to do with me when we finally talk about it... It can be something as simple as that his hip is sore after a workout & he turns away to sleep, or he's busy cleaning & gets upset at soggy Clorox wipes (true story).

I'm with everyone else. Don't blame yourself, explaining PTSD is so hard. I often feel like if I can't make sense of it so often, how can I expect him to? But hopefully, with time, your partner will learn & try more effectively. You have nothing to blame yourself for. Stand up for your needs :-)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Cadence,

Welcome to the forum!

There is also a lot of information for supporters on this site that may be helpful for explaining PTSD. I hope that you find this forum beneficial to your healing and also in your relationship.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Seasounds]

To have a partner than can adjust consistently is a wonderful gift.

A thought: rather than blame oneself or others, I think there is another way, since blaming oneself or others, never helps one's self-esteem. At least, this is what I've noticed.

Rather than blaming anyone, I notice what messages/requests seem to be getting through, evidenced by the behaviors that are demonstrated.

A friend or I, may or may not have the ability or desire to make adjustments. But if we do, it is gold! If we don't, I don't blame myself or them; instead acknowledge what is, and ponder what would be the best action for me to take. Very open ended, since circumstances are so different.

I use to blame myself terribly, until I found the above perspective helpful.

Cheers to our thoughtful dialogues and processes.:)