Selfish To Want To Be Free?

[Fighting back]

At what point is it selfish to take your own life and stop the heartache.
Are loved ones selfish for wanting you to carry on in pain and heartache?
This isn't the place for me at the moment, i want to carry on and hope it will become the place for me.
This pain and misery is so tough. I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @Fighting back
I have moved this thread as you already have an introduction from when you joined the forum last year.

At what point is it selfish to take your own life and stop the heartache.

I don't think it is relevant as to when or if it is selfish to want to be free of pain. That is something that is hotly debated but still makes it no better for you.
More to the point what would ease your pain and distress? Are you seeing a therapist or do you have contact with a crisis contact? Have you told anybody how badly you are feeling?

This isn't the place for me at the moment, i want to carry on and hope it will become the place for me.

I respect your decision to take time out from the forum. It can be very hard to cope with when you are already suffering. I just want you to know that I care and if you choose to come back here that we are here for you.

This pain and misery is so tough. I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.

None of us is cut out for it. None of us were born to endure what we do. But it does get better. Hang in there.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Fighting back]

Sorry, I get confused on where to post things. Where do I start new conversations?

I just feel there is no rest bite from it, it is like living a life sentence, everyday it's painful, I remembered the abuse 10 years ago, memories if thought had finished coming back it me, however today I had a really bad memory that came back to me. It's knocked me for six. I don't know how much more there is to come and how I deal with it.

I am in therapy, I have been on and off for years but I am back in. I have had 6 sessions so far and it can go on for as long as I need.

Does it ever get better to deal with? Thank you for this website!! Xxx

 

[Lucycat]

Glad you are still here!

I am also pleased to hear that you are back in therapy. Hopefully that will help. I have been in therapy for 4 years now, but still had a wobble at the weekend after a nightmare. However most of the time I am fine and do feel like it just keeps getting better - slowly for sure, but definitely better.

Where you want to post depends on the topic you want to write about. If you click on the forums tab you will see the different options. Sometimes it is not clear what is the best fit, but you just have to make a guess. This thread sounded like 'mental health' so that is where I put it. Of course it could have gone in 'discuss sexual abuse' instead.

Some memories do seem like they have gone and then something triggers you to remember it again. However I am finding that with time they don't seem quite as bad. Bad enough sure - but just ever so slightly better.

What sort of therapy are you getting? I found EMDR very helpful. Others have preferred CBT.

 

[Fighting back]

I have had therapy on and off for about 9 years, I have had CBT in the past, it was useful, but It's more day to day living it helped with. I am now in general counselling with an experienced counsellor for sex abuse.

I don't know if there is going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 27 and dreading the rest of my life. I'm terrified of the future. X

 

[Lucycat]

I don't know if there is going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 27 and dreading the rest of my life. I'm terrified of the future. X

I only started therapy at the age of forty-something! You are far ahead of me. Well done for getting in there early. It sounds a good idea to have a therapist experienced in sexual abuse. Mine is not - but he is experienced in trauma, and SA is one type of trauma. Anyway he seems to be a good fit and is helping me.

There will be light at the end of the tunnel. You are so young and have the potential for a lot of very happy years ahead. I do understand that it is hard to see that at times, but you have to keep pushing yourself forwards even when you don't feel like it. I hope you are able to tell your therapist how much you are struggling at the moment. I am sure she will have heard it all before and will have lots of suggestions for you.

 

[moving forward]

Hi @Fighting back
Sometimes it's just hard. Sometimes it just feels too hard. I don't know you (obviously) but I have no doubt that you have special qualities and gifts that you bring to the world. I know its really hard not to let what happened define your existence... It's something I struggle with myself. All I can say is your not alone, your are talented, you are young and your life is full of opportunities. Sometimes for me the emotional pain is so strong it physically hurts, but with therapy this pain is easing. I hope your pain eases too - there is definitely light. We are all here for you!

 

[Fighting back]

Thank you for the advice. Had a terrible sleep last night. I just don't know what to do x

 

[cherryblossom]

Give your new therapist time. It takes a while to build up a rapport. Ask your therapist where you go from here.

I'm sorry to hear you are not sleeping so well. That always makes things more difficult.

Hang on in there, ask your therapist for their best advice, and keep talking here. We'll always try to help if we can. You're not on your own :hug:

 

[Fighting back]

Thank you for your kind words cherryblossom. I need life to bet better fast x

 

[Fighting back]

Feeling slightly brighter today thank god

 

[Antidote]

Unfortunatly some days are worse than others,especially when we don't get sleep which is hard to do.But there are also some good days too,it's not worth it to give up.Giving up doesn't just mean the hard times are too tough,it also means you've given up on the good times however rare and fleeting they may be.Also eventually with time and therapy the bad days will decrease and the good days will increase.Just hang on