Sex With Therapist

[Ginan]

I am wondering if anyone will share their experiences of sex with their therapist. I would post this in therapy forum but I'm afraid most people won't admit to this unless it's more anonymous.

I genuinely believe sex with a therapist can be very cathartic. I know society frowns on this because of the power differential but I do believe there are scenarios where safe touch from a qualified professional could be so healing.

Has anyone had sexual contact with their therapist? If so, how did it work out in the end?

 

[Wageda]

It is a crime in the US for a therapist to have sex with a client: Dead Link Removed

It is not therapy. It is not therapy for PTSD. It might be a reenactment of earlier trauma and would set recovery back significantly even if it feels good and right at the time.

If you are having sex with your therapist I suggest you consult with a new therapist ASAP. Also look up erotic transference and you will see it's not appropriate to have aex just because one falls in love with a therapist. It's about much more than simple power differentials. You have been victimized by your therapist and I hope you consult with another one about this ASAP.

 

[Tifir]

Its illegal in the uk also. I really cannot see any benefit to treatment in this line being crossed. I understand how a patient could start to see the relationship in a different way and vica versa, however should this happen it should be an immediate change in therapist.

 

[Sufef]

I genuinely believe sex with a therapist can be very cathartic.

I could not disagree more strongly.

I know society frowns on this because of the power differential

The power issue is part of it.

For many people, their therapist is the first - only - person in their life who truly listens to them. Who accepts them for who they are. Who looks at them with care, and with interest. Who wants to hear what they have to say. Who understands and empathizes.

In short, the therapist is the best first date you ever had, over and over and over again.

The illusion of intimacy is just that - an illusion. What is being developed is called the "therapeutic alliance". This is necessary in therapy - it is the phrase for the bond formed between a therapist and a client, in which they have both tacitly agreed that they are both there for the client's well-being, and will work towards that together.

While this bond is being formed, transference can occur. it's very, very normal. But it's not meant to be acted upon. Those feelings are not grounded in reality. They are based simply on the fact that your therapist makes you their entire focus for a period of time, and that can feel like love.

I do believe there are scenarios where safe touch from a qualified professional could be so healing.

Qualified for what? Sex therapy? Even they don't have sex with their clients; they have their client work with a surrogate.

You absolutely should talk with your therapist about your feelings - either they will become predatory and take advantage of those feelings, in which case you should get out - or, they will explain to you why that's never going to happen, and you will be able to move on.

Unless you are already having sex with your therapist. Then, they aren't your therapist anymore.

 

[Apako]

I don't think it's illegal in the uk for a therapist to have consensual sex with a client. It is however utterly unethical and the therapist would be struck off by their governing body.

It's not in the slightest bit therapeutic.

 

[Acuwew]

Good touch, safe touch, does not have to be sexual. Sexual relations with a therapist is illegal and they can lose their license, even go to jail. The only way to have a legal relationship with a therapist is 5 years after your last session with them. If sex with a therapist helped then it would make sense that I could do therapy on my husband....which never works! It is however, very normal to develop feelings for a therapist, but a good therapist would help you transfer that skill to meeting safe people to have relations with.

 

[Wecuj]

I can really see how destructive that sex with a therapist would be. In my case, being an incest victim, it would really drive home my lack of trust not only of my own emotions and drives, but also my lack of trust of people who would help me.

Finally, if you are paying your therapist, then they will be stepping into prostitution. I wonder if a therapist could be charged with being a prostitute.

 

[Waze]

I think people starved of affection or who have experienced abuse (especially from care givers) sometimes crave touch and intimacy so much that they convince themselves sex with a t would be therapeutic. What it really is most of the time is transference and transference badly managed can cause huge immeasurable harm. Especially if care givers have also crossed that line in the past. Its transferring need of a safe or affectionate parent onto a therapist who they only partially know.

Yes I have met people on line who have gone down this road and all of them have been very badly damaged.

This isn't something that will bring you healing no matter how you think you crave it.

The t relationship when it is good is genuine and authentic but it is limited. It isn't a whole person interacting with a whole person in a mutually supportive and individual way. Its one person (t) only engaging the parent and adult part of them and keeping most of themselves our of the treatment room entirely. And the other exposing things normally not exposed and being extremely vulnerable. And its all about them. That is one type of relationship - a t relationship. This is not the dynamics of any other type of relationship. Friendship, sexual, love whatever. Like abuse it would be a power imbalance. Sex is not appropriate in many types of relationships and sometimes thinking it is is an indication of being overly sexualised.

You talk about safe touch. What would make you believe it was safe? Have you gone down this road? Has your t been moving towards this? Have you discussed your thoughts with them?

 

[Ugodag]

I am wondering if anyone will share their experiences of sex with their therapist. I would post this in therapy forum bu...

No. That's a conflict of interest.

 

[Ezig]

The therapist is damaging themselves as well as the client if/when they engage in sex with the client. This is a comprehensive study done on the damage: http://jaapl.org/content/jaapl/22/1/109.full.pdf

Feeling erotic transference is quite normal and common. It's not surprising that someone would want to be touched by and even merge sexually with someone who shows non-judgemental acceptance of them, especially if they had not had this in a long time or ever.

If your therapist is *not* engaged with sexual activity or touch with you and is instead holding good professional boundaries, I hope you talk to them about your feelings and desires so they can help you work through them.

If they engage in sexual touch at all, RUN.

For good safe touch, consider non-sexual massage therapy and building up skills to have a true romantic partner who is safe.

 

[Gozese]

I could not disagree more strongly.

The power issue is part of it.

For many people, their therapist is the first - onl...

This

 

[Ivovu]

Bad Idea. Others have explained clearly. Run Forest Run....