She did it again. Why do I still believe her?

[Eagle3]

Yes, I know, I'm over 30 and totally responsible for my own care. I'm the only one working a full-time job, but I'm still the person ultimately responsible for feeding myself. So when I got a message from my mother that said dinner was cooked and ready for me when I get home, I was so excited! Maybe she had actually cooked a dinner I can EAT (I have a lot of food sensitivities that she knows about), maybe she was actually trying to do something nice and caring for me! I get home, and all that's been cooked is sausages that I can't eat, and mom says something about having a steak she can whip up really quickly (knowing I don't really like steak). I tell her I need to go to bed very early tonight, so if food is going to be cooked, it needs to happen fast. I then go shower. When I get out, she's still on the couch, playing games on her phone. So much for being taken care of. Dinner consisted of a bag of organic olive-oil chips I had stashed away, and an apple. If I had known that I wasn't going to have dinner ready for me, I would have stopped for something on the way home.

This is a pattern that has gone on my whole life. She'll promise to do something for me, something that falls under the "parent caring for child" category, but she just gets busy with her own stuff and leaves me to fend for myself. I even remember changing my own diaper once. Will I EVER learn I can't trust this woman to actually PHYSICALLY take care of me??? Just because she's been trying to communicate better, be more emotionally available, she thinks everything is fine. I'm barely surviving, and the only one in this house working a full-time job right now, but I still have to do almost all the cleaning and cooking too. I'm tired of being the parent to my parents. I want someone to actually take care of ME for a change!

 

[The Albatross]

It is clear, abundantly, that your mother is disinclined or incapable but your wants/needs/desires overrode the facts because you are likely tired after work and desired consideration and assistance. Attaching the emotional "maybe she was actually trying to do something nice and caring for me" then flitting over to the catastrophizing "This is a pattern that has gone on my whole life. She'll promise to do something for me, something that falls under the "parent caring for child" category, but she just gets busy with her own stuff and leaves me to fend for myself" or "I'm tired of being the parent to my parents. I want someone to actually take care of ME for a change!" just ramps up angst.

Cooking, cleaning, and being responsible for your own care is what adults do whether they have a job and/or a parent in the home or not. Blended households are complicated and I don't know you're personal circumstances but regardless of wanting/desire someone to take care of you for a change... you clearly need or to find other solutions for meals and incorporate it into your selfcare.

Is there another way to ease the running of the household burdens so that you can take charge of your own meals and food sensitivities?

 

[Eagle3]

I usually do, and have the process down to a science. I just thought, since my mom texted me JUST to tell me she cooked dinner for me, that it had actually happened effectively. Silly me...

 

[grit]

I just want to say, just writing this post is a step toward seeing the truth in your situation. Wishing you speedy recognition.