Relationship She Left Me Due To Ptsd - An Update

[Zanshin]

If she doesn't answer, it's a kind final note. If she does and needs - and allows - help go slow and gentle, ask what she needs. She may not know, either.

Be good to yourself, too, take care.

 

[Tibbles123]

@Junebug @Zanshin not a peep from her since those awful things she said Tuesday. It feel like I'm going crazy. Constantly checking my phone hoping it's her.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes. I'm sorry. :(

:hug:

 

[Zanshin]

You left the door open if she chooses to return or speak with you, but that may not be her path right now...

I understand the going crazy and hope you can find something to calm yourself. I wish for peace for both of you, take care of yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sounds like a typical PTSD fueled episode to me.

 

[Tibbles123]

Sounds like a typical PTSD fueled episode to me.

@EveHarrington Could you elaborate? This whole exchange does? Do these ever end well? I know she came back from the last time fairly quickly, but she wasn't herself and was saying that herself prior to that wasn't the real her(?). Can this all be numbness? Or fear?

 

[EveHarrington]

IME

Typical. I do this stuff all the time. End well? I'm not dead yet so I guess that's "well" to a PTSD person-----I have no idea what "well" means to a normal person. Numbness? Yes. Fear? Yes.

My final decision is never in one fell swoop. It gives people false hope I'm sure. What I mean is that my internal system knows instantly that it's over when something big happens, but I keep going back time after time (more or less) because I am delusional in thinking it will work. Once it's broken, there's no hope.

Caught in one of these nasty cycles right now. (With a friend.) The final nail was in the coffin over a month ago but I stupidly believe the friendship can be fixed so I keep trying to work things out. Same thing happens in partner relationships. It's definitely over. The friend thinks I'm a flake and that our friendship has a future. So while my healing can start now, their healing won't start for another few months-----when they finally realize I'm not coming back. I guess it seems cruel but at the same time I'm honest when it's over. They chalk it up to a crazy Eve episode and think I'll eventually come to my senses. By the time they realize what's really going on, I've fully healed and moved on.

 

[Tibbles123]

IME

Typical. I do this stuff all the time. End well? I'm not dead yet so I guess that's "well"...

@EveHarrington

I meant "well" in terms of reconciliation.

So she's gone then in my situation. Yes? She had an episode tried to work it out, but was never in it after the first time anyway. Is that what you're saying?

I'm just trying to work it out in my head so I can move on myself. If I'm understanding what you're saying it makes sense why she we so cruel in the way she broke it off with me.

Although the 180 in her feelings in no less than a day is troubling.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't predict what anyone else will do with any degree of certainty. I can only predict what I will do, with a high degree of certainty.

I'm sure someone else can post a pattern that's in stark contrast to mine. I guess what I'm saying is that these things are almost impossible to predict.

I wish I could be more helpful. I can only share what I personally experience although I don't know how common my story is.

I hope you can take care of yourself. Unfortunately in my experience the original reason for running never gets fully resolved-----hence my yo-yo pattern. Safety is a rare commodity. I've never had it come back once it's been broken.

 

[anthony]

Thoughts? Is it normal for a sufferer to lash out like this?

Yep, very normal. I used to do all this and more... and just to make sure that the person I was leaving didn't want to keep chasing me, I went and f*cked someone else within days and let them know it, just to ensure the relationship was over and done. Whilst that worked most of the time, some seen through it, but I lashed out nonetheless. PTSD is messed up beyond belief... and when living it, you honestly can't see the damage you're doing.

I couldn't at the time, not until years later. My friends who are similar, same thing... they couldn't see it then, but now they've recovered a whole lot, they can see their destructive ways that they also don't repeat. A few are still f*cked up and still doing the same shit... but there are always those who become lost in PTSD and can't be helped.

 

[Tibbles123]

Yep, very normal. I used to do all this and more... and just to make sure that the person I was leaving did...

So is there anything I can do? I wrote her a letter the last time, but she had already reached out before she received it. The letter seemed to really resonate with her.

I'm lost without her. She was my heart and soul.

Her words cut so deep though. "I no longer want to participate in this relationship," "I'm tired of understanding you and lying to myself about something that's not there," or I was never emotionally in the relationship..."

I have never felt such pain and my ex-wife was cruel (cheated and had a baby by another man while we were still married).

 

[Zanshin]

Right now? You need to listen to her and step away. Try to find something to do that you like to distract yourself.

Maybe it's a PTSD meltdown, maybe she means it and doesn't want to be together. Either way she's isolating.