Sufferer Shiver Says Hello

[Shiver]

Hi,

Gosh, I don't know where to begin... It all begins at the age of 5, that's for sure. But it really started in high school... I mostly blocked everything bad but then it started weighing on me.

I developed an eating disorder at the age of 13, nobody really noticed, my parents just forced me to eat. At the age of 16 I completely lost it. I thought my parents wanted to kill me, I ran away from school at noon and was brought to the emergency room. From that moment on I was in and out of mental hospitals... They first diagnosed me with a psychotic disorder, they said schizophrenia several times. I finished high school while going back to the mental hospital every now and then. After high school I went in for treatment. After about a year in a hospital (I was about 19 years old at this time) I went back home, it didn't go any better. I finally opened up to someone about my history and then my diagnosis started to change. My current diagnosis is complex PTSD (with dissociation), depression and eating disorder.

Anyways, I have received treatment for the eating disorder (inpatient for 6 months). I was always holding back on getting treatment for the PTSD, but I finally started searching for a therapist. I think I'm ready, but I'm not sure :(

It's hard to admit to myself that I need help. It's failure because I can't fix it myself, and because I see it as my own fault. I'm so scared...


-Shiver

 

[ladee]

Welcome, and let me reassure you, it was not your fault. and we really need a therapist to help sort out our past. They also help us with coping skills, breathing, grounding, ect... I am sorry you had to end up here, but you will find this an amazing community of support. I am glad you are, if not glad for the circumstances.

 

[Shiver]

Welcome, and let me reassure you, it was not your fault. and we really need a therapist to help sort out...

I do have follow up btw... I still go to a psychiatrist and a nutrionist. I've had a lot of therapists, so I do know a few things about grounding and coping (just not always that simple) ;)

Thank you ladee... <3 Just thank you for being here...

 

[Zanshin]

Welcome. The site is full of resources that have been helping me and wonderful people. Be gentle to yourself, it's not your fault.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum! :)

 

[Ronin]

Hi there Shiver, welcome. :)

 

[intothelight]

@Shiver Welcome to the forum!

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial to your healing.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this place helps you. It's very useful because of the bulk amount of people who feel similar and understand. There is a lot of advice and support to be found here :) I hope that this amazing community helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and learning a lot along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:

 

[Nevermore]

Hello @Shiver
I know a diagnosis of complex PTSD isn't a dream come true, but I'm glad for you that you had your past recognised as a causer of this rather than the slapped on diagnosis of sciziphrenia.
It is hard to admit to needing help, I felt that too and put off getting help for a long long time.
Now I've got an amazing therapist and I wonder why I was so scared of getting help! Trust comes into it a lot, I think.
I feel like I've got a lot more room in me to actually live! It's worth it.
I had to try a couple before I found the right one though
I'm glad you're here and taking all these great steps towards healing.