Should I See A Psychiatrist?

[Underdog]

Thought I was doing better until a few weeks ago. With everything going on in my own life and now with current events in my city, I am reeling and headed back down that spiral. Memory loss is getting so bad that I overdosed our dogs with heartworm and flea medication because I didn't remember having already given it to them. As we watched them get sick last night and the news of violence breaking out and getting worse, I lost control and started drinking. Excessively... I reached a point last night where I completely lost it, hated/blamed myself for poisoning the dogs and was horrified by the live footage as violence broke out and police started using force. I was so upset it took about an hour or so for me to stop crying before I finally passed out.

This morning, we rushed the dogs into the vet office as they were worse. They are better now and we are back home, but I am internally shattered. I told my husband that the drinking must stop, period. It is being used to mask the real issues and as a depressant making things worse. Given the spiraling, I have called my doctor and therapist and wondering if I shouldn't get a psychiatrist involved. Waiting to hear back from the therapist (actually psychoanalysist). I've taken a Xanax and am resting and drinking lots of water to flush my system. I'm wondering if there isn't something like an SSRI that would help elieviate the desire to drink when I start crashing.

Sadly, with the national guard being called in this morning, schools and businesses in the area closing, etc... seems as though things probably aren't going to get better anytime soon. Also, I know that I will soldier on through current events with some stumbles here and there as I spiral, but the violence and protests stop will be when the worst of the PTSD will come out for me. I'm trying to create a game plan and be pro-active.

 

[joeylittle]

Proactivity is awesome.

I say yes, go see a psych if you can. Self-medicating with alcohol is not a good thing, and you seem to know that. The meds don't work like alcohol or feel like alcohol, but they can level you off so that your other therapy becomes more effective. I hope your psychoanalyst support you investigating this, because it's always worth checking out new ways to help yourself. I'm doing a consultation with a different trauma therapist on the advice of my psychiatrist. I am very happy with my current therapist and our work; but am also curious as to whether there might not be something better for this phase of what I'm dealing with. It seems to me that you're looking at the same kind of investigation.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @Underdog Oh I am so sorry you are hurting so bad.

You have a lot of good insight and courage to face things. You are right that once things are safer, you may feel worse. (I go through the same thing. My therapist says it is common. It stinks!) Way to go to be proactive for that time, and to figure out what will work better than how things are going now.

Lots of people self medicate PTSD symptoms with alcohol band all kinds of other things to numb out the pain. I think seeing a psychiatrist could help a lot. An SSRI may help you not crash so bad, and feel so desperate. There is a medication call Naltrexone that is often used for alcohol abuse, that actually helps dissociation and memory problems too (as well as self injury, bulimia, and some other urges.) I have taken it for dissociation problems and self injury myself. It helped me stay present a lot more. I even stopped losing my keys all the time and stopped having other more serious memory gaps. It's my understanding Naltrexone also basically stops the physical draw to drink and do others things too. You may still be left with the emotional draw, and it may take a little time to have things shift, but you are quite strong and will get there. I also think that going to AA will help too. There you can get a sponsor that you can call who will help you think through all kinds things to do when the desire to drink comes up. It will likely keep coming up for a little while until you brain really learns that there are other things that can help you feel better. I haven't struggled with drinking, but I did go to a 12 step recovery group for self injury. It really helped way more than I thought it ever could. AA or not, the bigger point is that it will probably take finding replacements to the alcohol and support to cope with the very real pain and stress you are experiencing. I myself have to do lots of trigger planning.

I'm so sorry for all that is happening. Are there things you can do that would help you feel more grounded now? Maybe it's time to turn off the TV for a bit again?

 

[Chava]

Sorry about the dogs, but try to forgive yourself. I have to write, in marker, on the packaging when I gave a pill last because I forget. Even with my own meds I have to make a note for myself...so just use whatever helps simplify things if you aren't trusting your memory right now. Mistakes happen and your dogs are going to be okay, right?

I've been sober many years now, but can relate to just wanting to blot out the pain through getting good and drunk. SSRIs never worked very well for me but I know they work for others. Naltrexone has been prescribed specifically to help alcoholics stay sober...it is a different class, something like an opioid inhibitor (I might have those details wrong, but you could look it up). Ask your doctor about what could help you. For me, even though I'm highly avoidant of relationships, I really needed the support of 12-steppers and people who understood my insane urges to drink and how to live beyond them. I can say I drank because of my past trauma and screwed up nervous system, which is true, but I was also just a full-blown alcoholic.

I don't know where you are at in your thinking on all of this, but I can relate to the remorse of taking alcohol to "cure" a bad day and just feeling worse when you wake up to the same sh#t, plus all the added yucky feelings of no control over it. Talk to your doctor and consider calling AA in your community if you're afraid you can't do it alone (which is hard) and keep working with your therapist. It was very hard to get sober and stay there beyond a few weeks and months. But eventually I really lost the desire to drink completely and my life started to grow vs shrink. So, it can be done, but it's hard...that's why possibly a support group like AA is helpful, because everyone there understands it is hard, but they also give us hope that it can be done and we can live sober. I'm not religious, I've always struggled with "God" but I have no issue with the 12-step programs and can't say enough about the love and support I've gained at meetings. I had been to treatment many times, but the people in AA really saved my life.

If you are an alcoholic, an anti-depressant probably won't cure you. But something in that category of meds could possibly make it less rough. As a sort of side note, I'd be careful with the Xanax, like use if needed but be mindful if your tendency to need it increases because I've met people in AA and treatment who were hooked on benzos pretty badly...or switched alcohol for benzos and it became just as awful (so if anxiety is an issue, yes, asking if there might be other options). If you do end up taking any meds, hopefully you have regular contact with the prescribing doctor and your therapist to monitor the effect on your mood.

Tune the rest of the world out (or to whatever extent possible....sounds very rough) and focus on taking care of your self right now. Congrats on working on being proactive and including your husband. Keep that energy going!!

p.s. the memory and attention stuff improves with sobriety too...I do remember losing track of everything, even when I wasn't drunk, because my brain was j

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Underdog. I won't restate the advice already given by others. Just want you to know that I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. I tried everything to quit drinking, AA saved my life. I have been sober for 23 years. My PTSD reared it's ugly head 15 years ago and through it all I have not had the desire for a drink. I do self harm in other ways, but I have no desire to drink. Please PM me anytime if you want to "talk".
I gave my dog the wrong dose of his phenobarbital once and the poor thing was loopy. I felt just horrible about it. Alls well that ends well. And I hope the violence ends soon. It's really gotten out of hand. Total chaos right?

 

[Chava]

I've already written a too-big gob of thoughts, but @KwanYingirl reminded me of the trauma connection (funny I don't think of this here, eh?) I do know I wouldn't have gotten through the regular challenges of life without my sobriety. And even though it's really challenging to deal with the hard feelings in a totally present way sometimes, my sobriety does make my trauma recovery work more authentic because of that. I personally needed solid, safe sobriety first. Sort of like KwanYingirl, recent stressors nudged me to go deeper toward the sources of pain (or punched me in the face?), but I feel more hopeful that there is a true way beyond my patterns of disconnection as I feel stronger in body and mind.

 

[Underdog]

I actually did call AA to get information a few weeks back. All options are on the table as I seek things out. My psychotherapist recommended a psychiatrist so I called, left a message and will be scheduling an appointment today. Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts, testimony and encouragement! Deeply appreciated!

What's happening here is for the moment confined to one small area, but as of yesterday things have started to slowly move elsewhere. None of us know what will happen day to day, and we all fear things escalating further out of control and engulfing the city elsewhere. Having been in many police raids as a child, the images are truly troubling. I've had to shut all electronics off repeatedly so I can either internally heal and relax or do work that needs to get done. Just feeling like I need a little assistance to get through this and starting to recognize and acknowledge my own coping mechanisms for what they truly are.