Should I Tell My Friend?

[dafunk]

Hi.

I'm a first time poster here. I've had ptsd for about three years. I've told a guy that I'm seeing and he's been extremely supportive. However we don't have a close relationship and don't spend a lot of time together, mainly due to my issues. I'm considering telling my best friend who I spend a lot of time with but im scared for a few reasons. Firstly I'm worried he might lose respect for me or see me differently although hes a kind hearted soul so it might be an irrational fear and secondly I'm worried he'll want to know what caused it and I don't want to tell.him this. My reasons for wanting to tell him are that we spend alot of time together, I feel I owe him an explanation for my sometimes irratic behaviour and I also think he might help support me. He currently thinks I have an anxiety problem. What would people advise? Is it a good or bad idea to share?

 

[BlueOrange]

If he thinks you have an anxiety problem, then he's pretty close to the mark. It seems unlikely that a more precise understanding would harm the relationship.

An indirect approach (maybe watch Pacific Rim with him, if either of you are into action movies) might help you to open the subject without making it a confrontation.

(Pacific Rim has a rather lightweight treatment of PTSD in it, but I found that the flashback scene gripped me really hard. There is only one flashback scene, and although I found it a bit difficult, it was ultimately reassuring.)

 

[GWhizz]

Hey welcome. Great to see someone else from Eire!

I would say it could be an irrational fear but that you know him best so I can't tell you whether or not to tell him or how he'll react. I do think most 'real' friends will be supportive though and you did refer to him as a kind hearted soul which seems promising.

At the end of the day, you are still the same person, ptsd or not. So if he loses respect for you, that's his issue and his loss. He already supports you when he thinks it's anxiety, so maybe he would be of even better support if he could understand better what's going on for you.

I hope you find good support here too - we will all always be here for you, no matter what you tell us :hug:

 

[dafunk]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. :)

Gwhizz, hiya local, as an aside, do you know if there's any ptsd support groups here in Ireland?

 

[GWhizz]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. :)

Gwhizz, hiya local, as an aside, do you know if there's any ptsd support groups here in Ireland?

Not too sure as I'm only in the process of undergoing diagnosis myself. Though it would be great to find out. I'm in Dublin and would assume there'd be something here though not sure how well recognised it is

 

[bell]

Here's the way I see it, you have 3 situations in front of you:

1. Tell him and you grow closer.
2. Tell him and you lose the friendship (which really means you face the risk of the friendship not being what you thought it was, which blows).
3. Don't tell him and let your mind go haywire trying to figure out if either #1 or #2 will happen if you tell him.

Hence, the only fear you face is finding out whether your friendship is really real... Or not. To me, this risk is almost always worth it, as if #1 happens, you win big!! And if #2 happens, you've just begun a new path to find someone who will have a #1 reaction.

I know that it may not seem that simple. But unless your or his direct safety is involved in this decision, it almost always is exactly this simple.

Good luck!

 

[oneday]

I can totally relate to your advice "bell" I took the risk and told 4 close friends. Two were awesome and supportive and we have become extremely close as a result. Two turned out to be fair weather friends when the crunch came and although it hurt big time for months I am now coming out the other side realising I would be better off without those two.