Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist *cue the thunder and lightning*

[ms spock]

I will deal with my transference with my trauma informed counsellor and my new psychiatrist as my current psychiatrist is choosing not to deal with her counter transference. I don't feel safe with her.

 

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My psychiatrist's misrepresentation of what she would do re providing me a referral, options of names, transitioning me to a new psychiatrist, giving me a lot of support until I settled in, that she would to do a meds changeover, that I could trust her and she would absolutely take care of me. It is a sad moment for me. I am also angry and frustrated that she lied to me.

It is 37 days until I have my intake appointment. It will be such a relief. This situation is just a drain.

This will end.

 

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My trauma informed counsellor has explained to me the difference between using such a relationship rupture as a way to offer new repariative experiences for my recovery or taking it personally.

If my psychiatrist was being repariative, she would be looking for opportunities to give me new repariative experiences versus replicating the abuse that I experienced with my mother.

That it is really unfortunate that my psychiatrist doesn't have this therapeutic insight.

That she's taking it personally and is not engaging with me in a useful manner.

All her lies about her absolutely supporting my transitioning to another psychiatrist and her current stances and behaviours are not useful for my recovery.

 

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I have actually processed a lot in relationship to this situation. It has been invaluable to be doing this. It is helpful.

At the end of this I will have developed a wider range of skills.

As I am still living with the fall out of Cyclone Alfred, the house next door burning down, which caused so much smoke damage, I have lost all my furniture etc etc and I can't live in my house. I am comimg a little behind the eight ball.

My psychiatrist kept demanding that I just get my house fixed.

(5) The Untenable Situation - imposing impossible requirements.​

I couldn't just click my fingers and fix the house. If it rains for four weeks, then the roof and fence could not be fixed.​

For my psychiatrist to show such a lack of compassion at this time is rather unhelpful, to say the least.

If you had told me that this would be the ending of this relationship a year ago. I would never have believed it.

 

[ms spock]

My psychiatrist has been a little bit unwise in her emails. I am not responding to them, except perfunctory acknowledgement of the receipt of scripts via snail mail.

I wrote two good faith emails. She has not responded in good faith.

I have to not be in my little one parts. As an adult, though fragmented, I can withstand and endure coming to terms what is happening between my psychiatrist and my self.

Her emails and behaviours towards me are leaving a paper trail.

So my psychiatrist is pretty cookie cutter in many ways. I took my power back by cancelling sessions. I will not subject myself to her bullying, unkind comments and intimidation. I am guessing that she's a little put out by not being able to bully me into accepting no transition. I was shocked that I managed to stand up to her.

I got sick of her delaying and fobbing me off about a referral and a transition. So I mentioned her "duty of care" which suddenly meant I received referrals from her in less than 24 hours.

I won't be doing much else. This is taking up all my bandwidth. I just have to survive feeling betrayed of her stringing me along, the dehumanising comments, the betrayal re lying about transitioning to another psychiatrist. And the disappointment that she isn't aspiring to basic kindness, basic compassion, or basic support.

I am going to get there. I am just holding on. That is the best that I can do right now.
I am in bed. I am watching TV series. I am eating. And I am not going to be doing much. It is self care time.

I have 35 days until I have an intake with a new psychiatrist for medications and assessments. I did try another one. Not for me. I am doing the best that I can do. I can't do anymore.

 

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She's put me in an untenable situation. Link

My psychiatrist is giving me conflicting messages & making conflicting demands.

She's creased a lack of clarity about the structure of our therapeutic relationship.

 

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I am so very grateful that my psychiatrist's behaviours are so over the line and actually don't meet her legal requirements, as a professional, in our country, there is no doubt about her actions.

Otherwise, I would be going crazy with Self Doubt. So I am most fortunate. That is very useful for me. To have it shoved in my face. I would have spent many years doubting myself.