Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist *cue the thunder and lightning*

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I just cancelled my next appointment to my psychiatrist. I have given her more than two days notice.

 

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In 34 days this week be over.

 

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I think that my psychiatrist and I got stuck in the "Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist". I so wish that I had had the capacity to end this 6-7 years ago.

Part of me wanted out, but it felt like I would be so ungrateful to leave. And I didn't have everyone else to go to. I had nowhere to turn to go.

Sadly the was impossible because of how profoundly dissociated and fragmenting I was.

I had no ability to trust my owe perceptions and reality.

I was not connected to myself. So I ended up in another therapeutic relationship where I had to change myself into someone else to be who they thought I should be now.

I did start seeing my trauma informed counsellor 5-6 years ago and that is part of the reason that I can leave.

 

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...therapists may become harmful to clients themselves... Link Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist

This is where we are now. My psychiatrist has been saying unkind, unprofessional comments, pronouncements to me and about me to me.

I really challenged her back and got her to own what she said.

I wasn't going to be left wondering afterwards so I asked for clarification. I was thinking you don't just get to say these types of things without push back.

And I continued to ask for clarification. She often decides that a question that I asked was/is not worth answering. So she wouldn't answer me. There was no way in hell I was backing down from what she was saying to me.

She was really trying to escalate. I remained calm and kept asking questions to precisely pin down what she was saying.

 

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...These are situations where psychotherapy not only is merely ineffective, but may do serious harm to clients/patients...Link to Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist

My psychiatrist targeted issues that were my most vulnerable places, issues that, in the past, have caused intense SI, in me.

It was very poor of her.

I was brave and stood up to her a few times.

I documented some of it.

And I questioned her "What do you mean when you say..."

 

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I would bring up my anxiety and she said to me that she didn't have time to discuss my anxiety.

Recently she mocked me for being one of the ones who didn't get on top of my anxiety.

 

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My trauma informed counsellor was trying to get me to focus on something else.

But I am too tired to have focus on my psychiatrist and then on another thing and then back on my psychiatrist.

I cannot shift focus. I am too tired. I wanted to process it until it was done.

What she was saying was sensible but it is too much to ask right now

I just want to write out all the stuff about my psychiatrist and then be done with it.

 

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The last time I spoke to my soon to be ex psychiatrist, she told me that she had no time to photocopy my notes, that she had better things to do than photocopy my notes. There is too many pages. We are on the second volume. That she just didn't have time to organise this. Even though she had promised to do a deep dive into my area for a long time.

There would be no forthcoming emails. I feel like she is trying to hook me back. She says we would have to have sessions to sort this out. Hell will freeze over. She lied.

So despite saying no more emails. My soon to be ex psychiatrist sent an email (previously) that she couldn't send me any suggestions for other psychiatrists because of a lack of supply. I had talked about this a lot.

So my psychiatrist sent me a referral. It is to a clinic where the head male clinician has restrictions on working with female patients. (How the feic does this happen?)

It is the clinic where the female psychiatrist, I tried out, who was so appalling, that I put in a formal complaint. She told me without any substantive testing or analysis that I have "mild DID". Which is fairly poor diagnosis with our knowing who I was.

So my psychiatrist is really during her due diligence. /end sarcasm

The most shitty psychiatrist is in that clinic.

She must be feeling some emotions .