gummiebear
New Here
Just need a place to vent. I have been diagnosed with ptsd. For a long time I denied there was anything wrong with me. I have alot of anxiety when im out of the house. Like most days, I live in my head. Thinking about things that I cannot forget, and trying hard to remember the person who I once was. Most days I suffer from anxiety. I stay mostly indoors. The thought of having to be around other people is exhausting. Always having to look over my shoulder. Looking around the room, making note where the exits are. The more I try to act more normal, the more I feel others notice. The anxiety has made it impossible to enjoy life anymore. The heavy feeling in my chest, that makes it that much more harder to breathe. That in itself causes more anxiety, trying to breathe in deeper breathes as if I were suffocating. Even worse, the anxiety builds up when I try to sleep. I have nightmares. Perhaps not every night. It has become so overwhelming. Pushing myself to just go to the store is a battle. Its about the only time I can get out of the house. That and eating out, mostly drive through. I have been in and out of therapy, medications, counseling. None of which I feel really helps. The one thing I can honestly say that has made a positive impact in curbing the anxiety is a special someone in my life. She has been there for me. Through this person, I can half way manage to feel like a normal person when I am out of the house. Its a reminder for me that I am in a safe place. As I type this, I find it difficult to breathe. I just feel so hopeless. Like I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. The lack of sleep, the nightmares, and anxiety has me feeling tired, and exhausted. I feel like I have no control of my life. The symptoms of ptsd has overcome me. If you are still reading this, you probably understand just how disabling this can make you feel. Im not seeking words of encouragement or acknowledgement. Just simply need to get some of this off my chest.
