Ok, yesterday was bad, I ended up being taken to the ER by ambulance for a hysterical rageing breakdown.
Fast fwd to today. I got out of the hospital around 10am. Walked the mile and a half home, took a nap, talked with the Mrs. for a while then getting antsy, I went for a walk. I walked about 4 miles. Mid-way on my walk I was next to a Wal-Mart. I walked in, did a lap in the store, and left without going into panic. I was in pain, but it was managable. Normally lately I'd be hobbling at best from one place to sit to another if I had to walk that far. I wanted to walk further, but I started to get paranoid that my good fortune/ability might suddenly evaporate and I would be stranded somewhere unable to get home, late at night in the cold. So, I walked back home. Throughout the walk I was fighting paranoia pretty well. I only let it start to get the better of me a few times, recognized what was happening and talk myself back off the ledge (figuratively). Overall I am quite impressed with my little victory. May not seem like much, but considering I'm usually homebound, it was a big victory for me.
I hope this makes sense, I've been fighting going to sleep, and can't even read what I've written. Think it's time to give in and go to bed. Gn all, see ya in a few hrs.
I try to share my sucess as well as my dificulties. Try to keep from being all negative all the time...
Fast fwd to today. I got out of the hospital around 10am. Walked the mile and a half home, took a nap, talked with the Mrs. for a while then getting antsy, I went for a walk. I walked about 4 miles. Mid-way on my walk I was next to a Wal-Mart. I walked in, did a lap in the store, and left without going into panic. I was in pain, but it was managable. Normally lately I'd be hobbling at best from one place to sit to another if I had to walk that far. I wanted to walk further, but I started to get paranoid that my good fortune/ability might suddenly evaporate and I would be stranded somewhere unable to get home, late at night in the cold. So, I walked back home. Throughout the walk I was fighting paranoia pretty well. I only let it start to get the better of me a few times, recognized what was happening and talk myself back off the ledge (figuratively). Overall I am quite impressed with my little victory. May not seem like much, but considering I'm usually homebound, it was a big victory for me.
I hope this makes sense, I've been fighting going to sleep, and can't even read what I've written. Think it's time to give in and go to bed. Gn all, see ya in a few hrs.
I try to share my sucess as well as my dificulties. Try to keep from being all negative all the time...
