So Incredibly Low And Scared

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thankyou for telling us here where you are safe with friends. I watch so much of this trauma around me where I work and I know it is a hard situation.

Thanks Tessa - it feels so weird to say and pretty ridiculous but this forum is kind of my safe place...I know that it is only a computer screen and it is not actually protecting me from him but for some reason it can take some of my fear away. Thanks again.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thank you for your honest response missing_the_sunshine. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably do the same.

Thanks Froggie - I am glad that I can be honest on here because everytime I go to T and don't tell her I feel like I am lying, being dishonest and really dissapointed in myself- so I am glad that I can get it off my chest to someone.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

this forum is kind of my safe place...

I totally understand what you mean. The forum is kind of my safe place as well, even though my situation is significantly different from yours. I am lucky in that I have been living on my own for a long time and have therefore left most of the physical dangers behind.

The only physical dangers for me at this time come from medical professionals who disrespect people with disabilities. Sadly, there are still too many of those. Luckily I have an excellent service provider team who can now help prevent at least some of those scenarios. The largest risk is in the university hospital and its ER. My balance disorder, although common among deaf people, tends not to be understood by most medical professionals. The PTSD annoys most medical professionals as well because it takes time to explain what they are doing before they actually touch me. The five surgeries without anesthesia I had in Europe while growing up make medical situations difficult for me. However, my disabilities make medical exams a common occurrence. Hopefully, my lectures in the medical school, Physical therapy department, Occupational therapy department, etc... help educate future providers. Luckily my family practice doctor, my psychiatrist, my audiologist, and my therapist are extremely understanding.

I have not seen my father since 1994 and have no plan on changing that. He lives thousands of miles away from me and that is perfect. The emotional dangers follow me, however. I have been working on setting boundaries with my mother, but it has become more difficult as she was diagnosed with breast cancer in April and her husband prefers to stay at their cabin. Being her medical expert and being on medical leave, I am her primary support system at the moment.

Plus, the work I am doing in therapy to improve the PTSD, although essential and good work, is bringing up feelings and memories that trigger my PTSD symptoms. Please do not misunderstand, therapy is essential and priceless. My therapist is absolutely awesome and I fully trust her. My day to day functioning however is impacted.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Deaf Global Nomad -

I totally understand what you mean. The forum is kind of my safe place as well, even though my situation is significantly different from yours.

Glad that we can both feel somewhat safe within this resource.
WOW! You have been through so much...it is fantastic that you are working so hard on things and I hope that you continue to reap the rewards of all your hard work. Thank you very much for the support and advice.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

How have you and your brother been doing lately?

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

How have you and your brother been doing lately?

To be honest we have been struggling...I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing it for. I am physically and emotionally spent and feel like I have nothing left. Every waking minute is such a struggle, it is such a hostile environment. I feel so hopeless and so worthless that I can't protect him from everything - he means everything to me and I am letting down the only person that matters in my life.

 

[Spero3]

Missing-the-sunshine,

Forgive me for asking, as I don't know your story at all, but is there no one you can turn to? I don't know how old you are so maybe you have few viable options. I know talking to your therapist is very scary, but I would encourage you to find someone, if not her. You are in such a dangerous place, and the abuse is taking a huge toll on you and your brother. Please understand that I am not judging, but rather trying to get a better understanding your situation.

Spero

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Sending puppy dog hugs to you and your brother!

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Forgive me for asking, as I don't know your story at all, but is there no one you can turn to? I don't know how old you are so maybe you have few viable options. I know talking to your therapist is very scary, but I would encourage you to find someone, if not her. You are in such a dangerous place, and the abuse is taking a huge toll on you and your brother. Please understand that I am not judging, but rather trying to get a better understanding your situation.

Hi Spero - the 3 people that I would usually turn to (grandmother, uncle and aunty) all passed away within 6 months of each other over the last 12months- they were my only support and now they have gone. My brother is non-verbal so unable to turn to him - so it is just me and my brother against my parents. I know I should be turning to my T but I am so scared that it will end bad like it did the last time I spoke out. I don't think my brother can physically handle another severe beating and he is my life - I can't lose him! Without him I am nothing and have nothing to live for - he is the only person who is stopping me from doing something stupid.

 

[Spero3]

but I am so scared that it will end bad like it did the last time I spoke out.

Missing-the-sunshine,

I can totally understand how scared you are given what happened last time. But, do you think you could tell your therapist about what happened last time and that is why you have not told her? I think she could get the authorities involved. The beatings are not going to stop, and I fear one day it will be too late. I am worried about you and your brother.

Spero

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

I can totally understand how scared you are given what happened last time. But, do you think you could tell your therapist about what happened last time and that is why you have not told her? I think she could get the authorities involved. The beatings are not going to stop, and I fear one day it will be too late. I am worried about you and your brother.

The authorities have let me down before...I am not sure that I can take the risk again. I am so incredibly scared. When I was in school, a teacher contacted DHS about abuse - it was a Friday - the Police came to school looked at the bruises got DHS to come....DHS said that it was going to be too difficult to get a foster family given it was a Friday so they released us back to our parents! There is no-one whom I can trust and that's just how it is.

I am also scared that they will take my brother away from me. There are no places here for disabled young people like him so he would be placed in a bloody nursing home with people 3 times his age. I just need to find away to get the finances to get the both of us out safely and get our own place and he can keep his dignity and pride.

 

[Spero3]

I am so sorry that your situation is so awful and that you feel so unsafe about contacting the authorities. DHS just plain sucks a lot of the time. The system is broken, and so many people are left unhelped (like you). I wish there was a way to pull you, and your brother, physically into the safety of this forum.

Spero