So Lost!

[brad1]

Hello, I'm new here. found this site by accident really and thought maybe I could get some good advice from others who know what I'm going through.

As if having ptsd wasn't bad enough. When I came back I lost my brother in a car accident, my dad who also suffers from ptsd vanished ( which recently he was found but was gone for years). I feel like I am on a emotional rollercoaster. I have a beautiful wife and two kids. My wife has suffered because of me. I shut her out, hurt her feelings, never physically hurt her.

I've destroyed everything I care about and it seems I have no one else to turn to talk about my relationship problems. I love my wife with every ounce of my soul, and she has helped me through so much. I thought I was coming to terms with everything and finally learning to control my emotional issues but recently I found out she was talking to this guy from work, which she told me she likes him?!? I'm like WTF. I'm trying to repair my marriage and undo all the things I have done to her but I kept her shut out for so long I don't know if I can

It seems have become extremely jealous of this guy She hasn't cheated on me I know but she has found comfort in talking to him and I'm afraid of it going to the next step. Well after some time had passed I confronted her about it and asked her to stop talking to him. She told me they were just friends and I shouldn't worry.

I know others have had relationship issues from this mess, How do I overcome this? What should I do.

Sorry for the long winded post.

 

[atilla]

First of all, Welcome to the forum. One of the hardest things to do, Brad, for me anyway, is open up to people close to me about how ptsd (the beast, as we call it here) affects me. Thank God I finally did to my wife 4 years ago...it's not the cure for the beast, but it's a "babystep" on the path to helping your better half understand why we have a hard time with putting our feelings out there. I'm a Desert Storm Vet..11B, 101st Abn. RAKKASAN and have been dealing with the beast since '91. My current wife is my 4th. Alot of my failed marriages were due to pts, I'm sure, but one thing in common the first three had, was an unwillingness to listen to me when I was trying to express some of the shit going around in my noggin, and my stubbornness for not wanting to talk about it. This marriage there's a difference; my wife listens to me whenever I need to talk about the beast, that's been one of the key things thats helped me to deal better. If your spouse is willing to listen to you Bro about what's going on with you, then you owe it to her and yourself to talk to her. Loosing your Brother when you came back is horrible man..sorry for your loss. Things add up when you have pts..stress, pain, nightmares, sweats,hypervigilance..etc, and causes us to recede even further into our own personal hell. BUT..there is a bright side to this..there is a light at the end of the tunnel..with the right treatment, and I have to stress this, AND SUPPORT, from those closest to you, you can learn to cope with the triggers that set us off. It's not easy, but life does get better. You just have to soldier on, Never give up, Never surrender!. Open up to your wife Bro, tell her whats going on. Introduce yourself to the rest of the Brothers and Sisters on here in the introductions section..nothing major, just a bit about who you served with and when.. We have guys and gals on here from every branch of service and from several different countries, and warriors from vietnam up to currently serving members. We all share the beast, and we all are here to help each other manage the beast by sharing info, advice, and just generally having each others six. Welcome again Brad, take a knee Brother, you're among friendlies..HOOAH! Don't forget that Intro..welcome to the unit.:)

 

[vikingr24]

Welcome, Brad. Drop a knee.

Yours is not an unfamiliar story but all of them are unique. My suggestion is to really look at two aspects: how many times you are having to mourn, and finding out what you live for.

I think finding what you live for is very important, vital in fact. With all of the very close friends you lost in combat, combined with family loss is devastating. Main thing is not to be impatient with yourself. Allow time for mourning. I think one reason for the worry about your wife is fear of that loss and another mourning period. (see http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/)

The loss, grief or mourning process involves denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance or resolution. Read through the link I gave you even if it's a reminder to you of what you already know. There is a lot of information here that is PTSD 101. Anthony and Jimmy have done a tremendous job of putting it together.

You have a lot of grieving to do. Get a therapist to help you through. Finding a good one is a merry-go-round you have to go through.

And if your wife is something worth living for, then keep her by not being jealous. Let the leash out but not too long. Love passes understanding and to have it is a gift. Strive to find it by finding yourself first.

We're fire carrying you for a while. Keep posting here....

 

[dutchiedelta]

Welcome brad, we may not have all the answers but we'll think along with you.
Or just sit here and let the tide roll by.

 

[Friday]

Cheers to hoping the bastard is gay & you can just be grateful for a friend she can lean on when things get heavy at home.

Rampant over generalization to follow:

IME... Absence weighs more than problems for most women. They don't need solutions, they don't need to be able to fix the problem, hell. They don't even need to know there's a light at the end of the goddamn tunnel. They need intel. To be in the know. To feel as if they're beside ya, even if they can't help ya. More important, though, that they're wanted beside ya. Heard something awhile back that rang a little too true: Only men need to be loved. Women need to be wanted.