Social Room full of friendly people yet . . .

[DogTired]

A Story.
Recently I was attending a business meeting and award shindig.
Didn't want to but the host was a long time friend who thought it might help me to mingle. So I started with up two notches on my stress meter as I hate gatherings.

I live in Amber (Jeff Coopers colour code) so I was scanning and profiling everyone and everything. Just can't help it anymore and it's all part of my PTSD (and mil training). You can now add another two notches of stress as something just didn't 'feel right'.

Then I finally saw it. There were two (dressed identically) males working the same way a security team would., (and my stress meter upped another two notches) as I couldn't understand why they needed security.

Turned out they were hired security and meant to blend in. (Which did nothing to lessen my stress levels)

My host (who knew me of old including my story) came to me to ask if I was OK. One answer, HELL NO. Me all sweated up, obviously uptight and still scanning, so we went for a quiet coffee to calm down.

Then I noticed he was sweating too and fidgeting like crazy. So I asked him what was wrong. No wonder he was so uptight, he too was a PTSD buddy. Weird that I didn't know that even though we served together for 12 years.

My question is this. How many of you REALLY KNOW your friends and if they too are suffering from a mental illness like PTSD (and all the baggage that goes with it)? Or does (or did) it take a situation to occur before you noticed anything wrong?

 

[whiteraven]

How many of you REALLY KNOW your friends and if they too are suffering from a mental illness like PTSD (and all the baggage that goes with it)? Or does (or did) it take a situation to occur before you noticed anything wrong?

I don't have any friends, so I don't have to worry about that anymore. And I avoid ALL gatherings, so I mostly don't connect with people at a level or for a length of time where anything would come up.

When I did have friends, they were only super close, so we shared most everything.

With acquaintances, though? I don't notice. And even when I notice things that seem off, I have no idea why.

 

[Movingforward10]

Then I noticed he was sweating too and fidgeting like crazy. So I asked him what was wrong. No wonder he was so uptight, he too was a PTSD buddy. Weird that I didn't know that even though we served together for 12 years.

I love that you noticed what he was going through and asked him. And that he noticed you and asked you. And now you've shared this. That's actually beautiful.

Is it different between genders?
Is it also different depending on the type of friendship?

My friends range from knowing nothing to knowing most of the story. And I would call the friends who know nothing people I care about and have known for a long time. We share what we feel able to. And we're careful with it? Sometimes rightly careful , sometimes too protective?

An example of sharing working so well, is your story.

 

[Friday]

My question is this. How many of you REALLY KNOW your friends and if they too are suffering from a mental illness like PTSD (and all the baggage that goes with it)? Or does (or did) it take a situation to occur before you noticed anything wrong?

If I wasn’t there, with them, it takes something big to occur before I know anything is wrong.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I think I have a pretty good sense of it. But on the other hand none of my friends knew anything about my life before I was 16 years old. I never spoke of the abuse, walking in on my mother’s suicide attempts and her eventual suicide. I never talked about it, I saw no reason to. Then with my recent PTSD diagnosis and my wife deciding we needed to live apart, I had a need to talk about it. In an effort to build a support system I opened up. All have been shocked but very supportive.

 

[DogTired]

I think I have a pretty good sense of it. But on the other hand none of my friends knew anything about my life before I was 16 years old. I never spoke of the abuse, walking in on my mother’s suicide attempts and her eventual suicide. I never talked about it, I saw no reason to. Then with my recent PTSD diagnosis and my wife deciding we needed to live apart, I had a need to talk about it. In an effort to build a support system I opened up. All have been shocked but very supportive.

Funny isn't it. I always managed, on my own, not talking about things to anyone, not wanting to upset my wife, about a short period in my history.
Then, PTSD re-emerged and TSHTF, my demons awoke big time, plus all the other gifts PTSD keeps on giving.
So it came as a bit of a surprise as I tried to explain to my wife what was going on and she said she knew about most of it from my dreams BUT had never wanted to ask me as dreams only happen at night and I was OK during the day.

After that, and speaking to a trusted few people, they too said they already knew when I was having a bad day but didn't know why.
Except for one of my REALLY close friends. Ex-mil, now one of my PTSD buddies.
He had lived the same life, knew what I was going through, understood why I was the way I am, and didn't say a word until I did, then 'admitted' he had PTSD as well.

OK, it's out in the open now, a few have spoken about it, and some have dropped me from their phone list (no great loss).
Those left now aware what's wrong, all but two (wife and buddy) know the term PTSD now, but no detail.
The nice bit about it is their attitude has not changed. That and a few have quietly said, separately to me and wife, if help is needed, CALL!