Socialising Inhibition

[madjon]

met an interesting chap in the bar last night, second time in the past 6 months ive gone down to the bar here, im off home tomorrow so thought i would go and socialise for once, anyways, met an interesting chap there and we got talking, hes got some stuff going on from his childhood and life in general, talking we discovered a lot of mutual ground, and it was interesting because talking he would say... happened to me, and pause for the usual sort of remarks people make when they hear such things and i wouldnt even bat an eyelid as im used to talking about things,
and it was interesting that the two of us slightly loony people ended up having a rip roaringly good night imbibing beer, mostly beause it was so good to catch up with another adult in the world of university kiddies, and be able to talk, because when dealing with ''normal'' people it seems i spend a lot of time not giving all the information and sometimes remembering to not say things which may upset ,
as most people arent used to it and dont know how to deal with things, but it made a nice change and we both had a good chance to talk and have a bit of time to relax, maybe one of the reasons im an anti social person at times is im always not saying things because people dont know how to deal with me and a lot of the stuff thats a daily part of life for me, so had a thought on one of the problems i had socialising, but how do people find it if they go out and meet other people you can relate to, is it easier to relate to those who you dont have to watch what you say and dont have to worry about their reactions to finding out stuff youve gone through? it seems for me that socialising with ''normal'' people is a problem at times, but i seem to not have trouble with the troubled, make any sense?

 

[2quilt]

Glad you had a good time!

 

[map9]

Like seeks like. I'd say the two of you were certainly on the same frequency. But, in answer to your inquiry, I do seem to get along somewhat better with those who have experienced many of the types of traumatic life episodes that I have. I'm not saying all the time, as they might be having an off day and I too might be having an off day. Then it's rather rankling. Especially if one is not aware of what the triggers are that set them off. All in all it's great that you had a fun evening. We all need that comraderie on occasions to help us feel good about life in general. Glad to hear about it ... and Cheers! map9

 

[madjon]

i have friends who long ago got used to me being a bit odd and they dont really notice anything other than jon when im about, i have been thinking a lot on ways to be more sociable, or at least not get snappy when i hear silly and ignorant things said, i figure its a matter of being able to relate, though i can understand a lot of whats going on and where people are in life, ive had a life which people cant generally understand or relate to, so i end up not saying much,
sometimes in the past i have ventured forth and mentioned some of the things ive got upto which are positive things such as crossing deserts and having a bit of fun with old bikes, but sometimes even something to me which is just something i did and isnt particularly scary or outside the 'norm' is a bit too much for some folks,
i suppose it comes down to experience again, ive done a lot of things most people havent, and sometimes things even i thought were a bit dodgy but were fun at the time, one dodgy thing was riding up an airstrip on the front of a sidecar drinking beer at 70mph, so in relating to people i have to not say a lot of things either about who i am and whats going on, especially if someone asks whats up, as i know if i do say anything it will be something far outside their experience most of the time, so meeting the odd person every now and then i can relate to and talk with without worrying about what i say, is a good thing,
also it has let me see what some of my real social inhibitions are, understanding what my problems are in relating to people and socialising i think is a good way forward, and it was something i thought i would share and see if people had thoughts on the subject, apart from me disliking large crowds and some reasons for not liking people which i have been working on for years, looking at what feelings i have about people and socialising helps me understand what keeps me from talking to people and socialising more, and how i can feel more comfortable doing it.

 

[Marlene]

how do people find it if they go out and meet other people you can relate to, is it easier to relate to those who you dont have to watch what you say and dont have to worry about their reactions to finding out stuff youve gone through? it seems for me that socialising with ''normal'' people is a problem at times, but i seem to not have trouble with the troubled, make any sense?

For this reason I don't socialize in general. Two things tend to happen when someone finds out 'stuff' I've been through. They either A)Want to know all of the nitty-gritty of what happened or B)They can't handle the information and either try to joke about it or quickly change the subject.

I find it much easier to socialize with someone who either has their own issues and understands that issues don't go away with happy thoughts and clean living or who has worked in the medical/mental health field. One of my fencing teachers is a retired social worker. I've known this for quite a while now and one day recently we were chatting while resting at practice and I told her about the PTSD. Wonder of wonders...she didn't flip out like a lot of the 'normals' do.

Not having troubles communicating with the troubled? Makes perfect sense to me.

Lisa

 

[Seychelle]

I've noticed this where I work. Some people who've had similar childhoods to mine tend to stand out to me, I can usually guess and then find out later I've guessed right when I get to know them better.

I occasionally have lunch or coffee with them (one on one I mean) at work. It's kind of weird to be discussing the horrors from the past then walk back in to work and put on the happy normal mask again. It's nice to occasionally be able to drop the mask. One of my work friends, though, I have to make sure I keep the boundaries up and not spend too much time with her. She has BPD and spending too much time with her is not good for my mental health (however, in small doses, we're good for each other).