Sexual Assault Somatic work - getting visual images and a feeling of abuse. False memory or flashback?

B

BirdsThatFly

Hi šŸ˜Š

I am trying to heal CPTSD, and in the process I've now started parts work along with the somatic practice. As I connected with a child part of myself, I now have started having images accompanied by really disgusting feelings. Images of sexual abuse. These flashes have previously come up while I was around external triggers, but I pushed it down. I have been told that I went from being not shy, to not wanting to be showered as a young child. So clearly something did happen. I told my mom resterday, and she just said that maybe it's just false memories. Making me feel very invalidated, because it feels so real. Yet now I'm questioning if it's a false memory, because it's a family member in question. No sound or taste. Just flashes of image and a deep seated feeling that it happened. The individual in question has verbally abused me my entire life and has never really been there emotionally. Completely self involved too.

I'm curious if anyone with some knowledge on the topic could share their thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to read! Thanks ā™„ļø
 
My menories came back in dreams initially and then day time visuals. Also caused confusion about what is real and what isn't. The deep 'knowing' was there. Which also caused confusion, but has helped with knowing the truth.

It's very common for memories to come back. For them to be fragmented.
For it to feel strange.

I don't know what your relationship with your mum is like, but sometimes people say things because they don't want you hurting and that can be invalidating. Or they can't face the truth (perhaps they knew they should of protected you and can't face that they didn't). Either way, sometimes trying to ask someone else what happened doesn't necessarily give you the truth.
The truth is, inside of you. And it's trying to figure out how to work that out.
Do you have a therapist?
 
i started psychotherapy in 1972 with full trauma induced amnesia. i had blocked memory of my entire childhood. the memories were emerging in epic nightmares, etc. in the work my cognitive memory was an absolute mess. the therapy work to repair the damage has been effective for cleaning up the cognitive mess, but to this day, i do not fully trust my childhood memories. my subsequent work with children has cast even more doubt over those memories. even an untraumatized child will forget their head if you don't sew it on for them. their active imaginations distort memories with childish ease. yes, dear, you rode a unicorn to school yesterday. my own, "heavily traumatic memories have had decades of secrecy in which to distort hideously. my logic dictates that at least a percentage of my emergent memories are inaccurate.

while i don't fully trust my emergent memories, i do follow the lead of one of my more effective therapists. "none of us can do more than our honest best with the information which is available." i don't have to fully trust those memories. i only need to allow them to flow freely. i'm not here to judge. i'm just doing my honest best with the information which is available.
 
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