Relationship Sometimes, my friend is afraid of me.

[fac]

I have a friend, she's a wonderful person and we had an amazing bond and connection. But when we got closer she started to pull away and a death in the family put her over the top. She has cptsd
And at the the time I was totally beyond ignorant about what she was going through. She never asked for space but sge did eventually cut off communication or cut it down to a minimum. I in turned jumped on my white horse and proceeded to save the damsel in distress and made a giant mess of things. Now she seems almost scared of me. I meant no harm, but like most friends or supporters you try to fix. We have had brief conversations. My question is. How do I let her know that I know better now and make her feel safer around me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Did she actually say to you that she has cptsd? If so then I think the door is open to tell her that you have been learning more about the condition and you realize that your actions had a negative effect on her.

 

[fac]

Yes, back when she trusted me, I asked if she had been diagnosed with ptsd and she said no. Then a week or two later she said she had been diagnosed with cptsd and tried to explain the difference.

 

[fac]

Thanks for responding so nicely

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you start with this, and show her you are safe to be around with your actions. I think she will appreciate that you've been doing research, but what is going to make her trust you and feel safe around you is how you behave. The safe feeling may take some time to come back. I think that it would be a good idea to tell her that you are willing to let the friendship move at her pace. (And let your actions back this up.) My guy said this to me and it made my worries melt away. I realize this is a friendship but I think the same applies, a no pressure relationship.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

, I asked if she had been diagnosed with ptsd and she said no. Then a week or two later she said she had been diagnosed with cptsd and tried to explain the difference.

Kind of not possible if it's not in the ICD yet (which I am unsure if it is or isn't). It is certianly not in the DSM 5, which is what the US uses for mental health diagnosis. I am sure her therapist (if she has one) has been talking to her about it and the differences due to the ICD update but I sort of get cautious around possible and diagnosed. Possible doesn't mean diagnosed. Such as I possibly have agoraphobia and likely do as I fit the definition and diagnosis criteria like a glove but i have not been diagnosed with it so I say "possible but not diagnosed agoraphobia".

Anyway, moving onto your question. I say to give her space. Which is what she asked for. And then yes, this:

what is going to make her trust you and feel safe around you is how you behave

100%! You can say you understand, did research, until you are blue in the face but I gain trust by actions and behaviors. It is how I gained trust with my therapist and how I gain trust with anyone. It is also how I loose trust and lost truat can take an instance but then a lifetime rebuilding that same trust back again so you will need to give it time as well!

 

[fac]

Thanks for your insight