Sometimes

[Fadeaway]

I think it is completely normal to feel this way. I wrote a thread recently asking why horrible people can get away with what they do. It kills me to know that there really is no such thing as Justice. My husband always says, "Justice isn't blind, she is bound and gagged."

Sometimes I wish I could bring myself to believe in karma. I just have never seen it in action. I wish I could believe in a higher power, but after all I have been though, all the things i have seen in life, I can't anymore.

 

[ChasingMyTail]

I have thought and planned out revenge in my head for many years - I wouldn't do it though it but well. Seeing him being all happy in his life bothers. He has like 6 kids. Well like at his church as being a wonderful christian etc. ARGH!

While he was in prison he bragged about how he was in for armed robbery - closest we got to revenge was letting a prison guard there know the truth of why he was in - he was liked by other guards (damn good ole boy mentality) who then moved him to protective custody.

The parole board failed to contact me when he came up for parole and I was unable to protest his release. Florida was supposed to take him into custody but choose not to - he was to serve another 25 years or something. So I had at least thought he'd be locked up till he was old or better yet, dead. He would have gotten more time in prison for smoking a joint.

I won't blame the D.A. for taking the plea bargain - he watched me go downhill for the 3 years it took to get this settled. The local media made my life hell, his family and friends would call my work and page him There were countless rumors about me being involved for insurance etc. There wasn't insurance on her - I never thought I would need it. People only focused on that - not the truth.

They didn't see the me who taught all the little girls in my area to make cookies. They didn't see the me who wasn't just a soccer mom, but the coach. They didn't see the me working 70 hours a week so no one could call me a welfare mom. They didn't see the woman who got references from people before leaving my daughters with them. That doesn't make for a juicy story.

Ugh, I managed to trigger myself - going to take a hot bath and make the rest of my weekend good if it kills me.

 

[sarafina]

Does the pastor of his church know about his murderous past? I really think he (or she?) should. It is possible but I think unlikely that the perpetrator is genuinely repentant. And the elders of his church need to be aware that he should never be alone with children and should be watched. Does your area have a registry of dangerous offenders? I think there are legal ways to make people aware of what he did but It might be a good idea to get some free legal advice so you know what is allowed. And maybe you can use the media to YOUR advantage to highlight what you have gone through. Do you have a network of others who have gone through similar thing? I hope you are getting some support besides online support.

 

[ChasingMyTail]

Thank you for your reply.

I would love to think it would make a difference to the pastor of his church, but in reality I don't think it would. Those bible thumping southern baptists are the very definition of good ole boys sticking together. He'll never repent - he is a sociopath, they just learn to play a better game and as long as he shows up for Sunday service he is a good man.

My family and I have talked about seeing if there was some sort of legal option we could take for outing him - like a child abusers registry or something - while the state will protect children from a parent that is convicted of sexual abuse, that's about it. Mississippi is starting to get with the program but it is a long time coming. My aunt did a load of searching for what options we did have and ended up very frustrated.

Another issue is I live outside the country now so it isn't easy for me to do the ground work there. Hopefully, with the help of this site and future therapy, I will find my feet again and kick his @$$!

I do not have any supporters around me, I wish I did. It gets very lonely being stuck in your head wishing someone would understand what it is you are going through or why you act the way you do. The closest I have to real life supporters are my dad and my daughter who are on the other side of the world. My husband and mother in law do try - but they don't understand what PTSD actually is or what it does to people.

 

[ChasingMyTail]

Argh - I googled his name and it came up on mugshots - but only with his record from Florida. I seriously wish we'd had the same internet technology back then. I am trying to find related links about my daughter's case to submit it to mugshots so when they google his name it will be listed as well but it's slow so far. Getting my dad in to help if he can.

I took 2 life lessons from this. Never date a guy your friends recommend to you and always do a criminal background check on anyone you think about dating.