Soooo Frustrated

[Wolvescry]

Everywhere I go I run into triggers. I watch an innocent movie and the girl in it goes through a very very similar attack then I have experience, the actor portrayed the fear well. Idk what to do, I am tired of running into stupid shit that sets me off. I am confused.

I also have been avoiding going to a certain city because a past attacker moved there, but a most my friends and family live there. My friend asked me to stay the night at her place because she was afraid to be home alone. I decided that even though I am scared to death I decided that maybe its time to push my limits. It was not to good and I ended up leaving sooner after I found out one of her roommates would be home that night. But she noted that i kept pacing when I was over. I guess I pushed myself a bit to much.

There has been many other triggers. I am just so frustrated. I was saddened too because a person I work with at times kinda implied that people need to keep there kids safe from people with mental disorders in a way that implied that I may be dangerous. A friend of mine told me a long time ago after her neighbor had killed her 5 year old daughter because of a mental disorder that I should be afraid of doing the same. This person has more problems and signs of anti-social disorder but that did not stop my spiral of fear that my ptsd might cause me to hurt someone.

I have cared for children in my past and actually have been very good at it, but I quit working with children for this reason.

All these things and more have put me in a funk, at least I have enough strength to put my mask on during the day to block out all the memories and symptoms.

 

[Sammyiam]

Hi wolvescry,

I can really relate to what you say, I have two towns 15 and 20 minutes away that I can't bear to go to. I even had to give our business up that we had for over 20 years as it was in the same town where I had grown up and the triggers were just so much I just couldn't cope any more.

I have all my friends still living there, but just can't bear to go and see them most of the time, even driving through makes me start sweating.

The mental health and hurting people things you are talking about has crossed my mind as well, I think a lot of people here have probably thought about these things at some stage. I think why it crosses our minds is not we are worried about what we could or could not do, more so people that have no idea what they are talking about in all aspects of mental health not only PTSD are scared of it and say stupid things, without worrying about the effects it has on people who have problems.

I am still worried about what people think of me after finding out that I was sexual abused as a child because of the stigma you read and hear all the time when things happen. Often people will say abused people often carry it on to other people, where as all the people I know that have been abused are the most safest people I know, as like me have felt and lived with the pain and trauma everyday of our lives.

I just can't believe that so many peoples throw away comments can do so much damage to people especially people with mental health problems and PTSD etc. They just say things and 5 mins later they have completely forgot about it, whereas I still remember throw away comments from ten or twenty years ago like they were yesterday because they hurt so much and are such huge triggers that just keep coming back to you like a bad nightmare haunting you day after day.

I really do understand what you say about caring for children and being really good, as I have worried about the same things, we are good at it because we know how it feels to be not looked after.

Take care

 

[Wolvescry]

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It is always nice to know I am not alone.